After many days of prayer and serious consideration, we decided to go by faith because my wife wanted to had a reunion with her own friends who, together, started the Clinical Supervision Section in the American Psychological Association more than 20 years ago, and I really wanted to visit my aging sister and sister-in-law in Vancouver right after the Conference.

I was surprised that I was able to walk quite a distance with my 4-wheeled Rollaboard luggage as a walker before I reached the disabled area for a wheelchair. I was also pleasantly surprised that I was able to tolerate the pain and discomfort of sitting on the airplane-seat for about 6 hours. Even without much sleep last night, I was still able to write a draft version of an abstract for the Journal of Positive Psychology (JOPP) on a writing pad.

My Vision For A Positive Suffering

• Do you remember the darkest days of your life, when you found yourself at the bottom of an abyss and the whole world had abandoned you, when God did not seem to answer your urgent cry for help?
• Have you looked at the daily devastation and sounds and sights of human miseries in Gaza and Ukraine?
• Have you thought about all the existential threats to humanity, such as nuclear war and ecological crisis (Wong et al., 2022)?
• Have you considered the how tragic it is that human beings destroy each other as well as themselves with all their greed, pride, and inordinate desires in pursuit of happiness and success?

If we do not overcome and transform the problem of pain and suffering, it will continue to torment us and spread to other people like a virus. With these sad thoughts in my mind, and a fire in my belly, I was inspired to write following draft of the JOPP abstract almost in one breath:

Positive Suffering Mindset, Ultimate Existential Being And Sustainable Flourishing

Treating wellbeing research as an intellectual game of debating opposing theoretical views may not yield immediate pragmatic results. We think that it may be more productive to reorient towards focusing on solutions to real life existential issues and meet people’s basic needs for healing, wellbeing, and wholeness.

This paper is based on meeting the human basic need for agency, community, and spirituality. It provides 3 missing links in positive psychology: (1) The meaning and transformative potential of suffering, (2) How to satisfy our spiritual hunger for sacredness and union with the divine, and (3) How to improve cultural harmony and world peace. At times, our hearts remain restless, constantly in search of healing, liberation, and meaning. We believe that the science of meaning needs to consider how our deep-seated longing for happiness and meaning may be related to our restless soul’s yearning for peace and harmony with the self, others, and God.

The above conceptual framework is called existential positive psychology (Wong, 2021) or PP2.0 (Wong, 2011) because it addresses the inescapable aspects of human existence in wellbeing research. Thus, EPP adds the depths of suffering, the heights of spiritual aspirations, and the breadths of compassion for all people from different cultures to positive psychology as usual (PP1.0). It consists of three pillars: meaning of life, meaning of suffering, and meaning of loving your neighbors from other cultures (Wong, 2023a). In sum, EPP takes a holistic and interdisciplinary approach and differs from PP1.0 fundamentally in presuppositions, objectives, and methodology.

This unique approach is rooted in Wong’s personal history and culture (Wong & Gonot-Schoupinsky, in press) and represents an integration between East and West. Wong (2019) has researched the positive psychology of suffering for more than 3 decades. The development of EPP benefits from all the opposition and resistance that have forced him to dig deeper and wider (Wong & Worth, 2017) in his search for the truth that can really give meaning and hope to the suffering people.

This research program culminates in his Positive Suffering Mindset (PSM) Hypothesis (Wong, 2024a) which answers fundamental existential questions: How can one find happiness and fulfill one’s potential in a chaotic and difficult world? How can we become better and stronger through struggles and suffering? How can we make this world a better place for future generations?

EPP calls for a complete reorientation to the existential crises confronting us (Broderick, 2024; NPPA, 2024): we should not just consider the wellbeing of the individual, but also of society and humanity. Furthermore, it posits that the direct pursuit of happiness will result in unhappiness, and the most promising path to enduring happiness is to overcome and transform suffering into success and triumph. In order to become whole and flourish, one needs to develop a PSM, which represents the ultimate existential resources.

More specifically, PSM consists of a cluster of 5 inter-related mindsets: (1) Mindfulness – How to focus on the present and face life as it is, (2) Meaning – How to discover the hidden goodness and meaning in every situation, (3) Dialectic – How to navigate between two opposites and discover the happy medium. (4) Resilient – How to overcome and transcend adversity, trauma and painful emotions, and (5) Growth – How to grow tall and yield abundant good fruit by developing a deep root system in a fertile land.

We will provide both empirical support from positive psychology research and philosophical insights from classical existential philosophers for the above 5 mindsets and discuss innovative research programs and interventions to resolve a wide range of serious mental health challenges and existential threats.

We will also discuss the unique nature of mature happiness (Wong & Bower, 2019) and existential wellbeing (Wong, 2022) as well as the supporting evidence. Different from current concepts of existential wellbeing (e.g., Ryff, 2012), ultimate existential wellbeing is based on all the available existential resources of PSM and is capable of surviving all kinds of traumas and storms of life. Just as PP1.0 is ideal for peace and prosperity, EPP is best for times of suffering. Together, they provide a more complete account of wellbeing and flourishing for the 21st century.

I felt satisfied that I finally had an undisrupted time to explain why I was compelled to blaze this new trail alone as if guided by an invisible hand. I knew that the above abstract was too long, but at least it was comprehensive enough for my co-authors to understand my views on several major issues.

I am well aware that wise men like William James, Viktor Frankl, and the Dalai Lama proposed similar ideas long before me. My contribution is to expand and translate these powerful ideas into testable scientific principles and useful interventions for the 21^st Century and beyond.

A Big-Tent Approach Towards Integration

Although the above abstract was for an invited paper, I was not confident about how my co-authors and the reviewers would respond to this lone voice from the wilderness because based on my past experience, many of my most cited papers were first rejected for some trivial or trumped-up charges (Wong, 2020), such as: you are unscientific (i.e., you are too religious), your theory is not consistent with mainstream psychology (i.e., Western imperialism), or your views are not exactly what I have in mind for the journal (i.e., personal bias).

Such negative voices still haunt me because even my most of cited papers were rejected first. Why are the reviewers so adversarial and nit-picky? Why do they not focus on more important questions such as whether an article makes a significant contribution to the literature and to humanity? Are they on a power-trip? Do they realize that the days of Western hegemony will soon be over? Do they still evaluate manuscripts with their tribal mentality? That is why one important reason for creating the INPM as a Big Tent, with our own journals and conferences, is in order to survive in a culture of systemic racism.

I take comfort from the fact that even Einstein’s general theory of relativity was rejected for many years for lacking empirical support. Einstein’s deep knowledge of the universe was not based on empirical findings. In fact, it took many years before his general theory of relativity was supported by research. I am not Einstein, but I am encouraged by his experience and believe that the future of scientific progress is towards integration of different factions and different schools.

It is sad that nowadays that most positive psychologists would reject any deep idea or any unconventional hypothesis without empirical support. This blind belief in factualism only leads to superficial knowledge because only simplified and operationalized ideas can be readily tested. Furthermore, there is also the replication problem.

Therefore, how can we accept positive psychology’s findings as the true knowledge for making important life decisions is times of suffering and uncertainly? In times like this, would you prefer to make decisions that are aligned with deeply held values and religious beliefs? This has been my main critique of positive psychology as usual (Wong & Roy, 2017) and my main reason for developing an existentially oriented positive psychology.

God’s New Ten Commandments

I know very well that this is another unpopular topic because Moses’ Ten Commandments have been banned in the US for years, against the Christian values of their founding fathers. Even now, any attempt to revive the ten commandments for the courts and schools would trigger strong condemnations.

Do people realize that their rebellion against their Creator will only bring disasters and miseries to themselves? We are now living in a polarized and broken world, with people fighting and killing each other. Until we learn to obey the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:37-39), we will continue to be plagued by conflicts and wars. According to Martin Luther King, Jr. “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

I have been waiting for God’s revelation for ten new commandments for suffering people since my painful days in Mount Sinai Hospital, Toronto. After praying day and night for an epiphany so that I could move forward, God revealed a new theory of hope to me (Wong, 2023b), but I did not see a burning bush, nor did hear any voice from above.

I continue to seek God’s revelation so that people can repent and seek redemption and regeneration. Maybe I was closer to God higher up in the airplane: I suddenly understood the PSM with greater death and clarity. Now, I am able clarify how it encapsulates the 10 principles of flourishing according to the Bible (Wong et al., 2024).

Before landing in LAX Airport, I was able to quickly jot down these ideas on my writing pad shown as follows. To make it less offensive to my positive psychology friends, I will frame them in scientific terms.

The 10 Principles Of Living An Abundant Life

Now, at home in front of my own computer, I will expand on these rough notes for my readers. Hope that they can consider and practice them so see whether they can transform their life:

Principle 1: Accept Life As It Is With Gratitude

Acceptance encompasses accepting and affirming both the visible and invisible realities; both the material and spiritual world. In fact, according to quantum physics, the world is invisible (World Science Festival, 2014).

How much you do know about acceptance? Do you know that acceptance is more than self-awareness? One can be aware of something without accepting it or taking it seriously. Do you know the power of acceptance? Do you know that this is the first step towards positive suffering? Consider the following quotes:

• René Descartes: “I think, therefore, I am.”
• Proverbs 23:7: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”
• Jordan Peterson: “I suffer, therefore, I am.” (Tiago V Faleiro, 2017)
• Arthur Schopenhauer (1851/2020): “Pleasure and well-being is negative and suffering positive.”
• Friedrich Nietzsche: “I love my fate.” (see Han-Pile, 2011)
• Paul Wong: “I suffer; therefore, I rejoice.” (NPPA, 2024)

Is this ironic? After the huge first wave of positive psychology on happiness, the second wave begins with the affirmation of suffering, fate, and death – no matter how painful – as the foundation for happiness and flourishing (Wong, 2024b). Meditate on Jesus’s prayer at Gethsemane before dying on the cross for our sins:

“Then He said to them, “My soul is consumed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.” Going a little farther, He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.” Then Jesus returned to the disciples and found them sleeping. “Were you not able to keep watch with Me for one hour?” (Matthew 26: 38-40)

I have wrestled with God many several times before surrendering my life to God’s will and accepting a painful and impossible mission to be a lone voice in the wilderness, crying out for the need for repentance, redemption, and regeneration. I know full well that this prophetic voice would be met with opposition because people would rather embrace a regenerative positive psychology without the need for repentance and faith in God’s grace.

It is also impossible to experience genuine transformation without accepting our true self. According to Carl Rogers (1961/1995), “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Acceptance means accepting myself and others as flawed human being as well as affirming that are all made in God’s image with a divine spark waiting to be rekindled. Thus, it is not possible to know our true self without accepting both our bright and dark sides.

Acceptance also means accepting my hard fate, my brokenness, my horrible circumstances with gratitude. This is a much tougher demand that expressing gratitude for the positive things. Existential gratitude asks me to be thankful for being alive and for the precious lessons learned from suffering (Jans-Beken & Wong, 2019).

Yes, no matter how hopeless the prospect, how much the physical pain I endure and how unfairly I have been treated, I can still love my fate and find something to be grateful for, such as for the training to grow stronger and for steeling my faith and confidence in my mission in the crucible of suffering.

Principle 2: Focus On The Present Moment

This is another life principle emphasized by all the best minds and supported by a wealth of research on mindfulness. We all can live a happy and productive life by focusing on the present rather than ruminating on past mistakes which could not be undone, or worrying about the future which is beyond our control.

Living for the present means that you do one thing at a time, and focus on what needs to be taken care first, such as an important deadline for your job, or caring for a sick spouse. It also means that that you organize your time around what matters most.

“Putting first things first means organizing and executing around your most important priorities. It is living and being driven by the principles you value most, not by the agendas and forces surrounding you.” (Covey, 1989)

Whatever you focus on, you will pay full attention and do your best. I am always grateful to any sales clerk, waiter, or office worker who serves their customers enthusiastically, but they are so rare.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23). It is helpful to remind ourselves that we are working for God, so that we don’t get discouraged when our work is not appreciated or recognized.

There is power in acceptance and focusing. If one does not learn the discipline of focusing, one will be easily distracted, switching from one thing to another, without accomplishing anything. One reason why I could be so productive during the five-and-half hour flight on an airplane is because I did not have the usual disruptions and demands for my attention when working in my home office.

Principle 3: Be Curious About What Lies Beyond And What Lies Beneath

There is always some hidden beauty, truth, and goodness in every situation, but we need to discover it. I remember that when I worked in Daniel Berlyn’s lab at the University of Toronto in the late 60s, I watched with fascinating when a white rat would move gingerly on a glass table, driven by both the desire to explore and the fear of hidden danger.

We are motivated by the same conflicting motives. Yes, we have the innate desire of curiosity (Kashdan, 2024), but we are also cautious about hidden dangers or concerned about failures (Wong, 1979).

That is why we need to see the world not just with our physical eyes. To discover more about the world and about ourselves, we also need to see the invisible with our spiritual eyes. Willaim Blake could see a world in a grain of sand. Thich Nhat Hanh also said: “The entire cosmos can sing to us with the voice of a wild flower.”

Over the years, many people have expressed the view that there is no need to search for meaning; all we need is to life fully. This is only half true because searching for meaning is an inevitable process, according to attribution research (Wong & Weiner, 1981).

Those who say that they don’t need to search for the meaning of life most likely have already found their calling or vocation. Another possibility is that they have lived a privileged life and have not experienced any trauma, which will automatically trigger a negative oriented search for the cause or reason for their suffering.

A larger problem is that in a culture that favors a quick and superficial way of life, people have lost the appetite and skills for developing deep relationships or living life at a deeper level.

Principle 4: Consult Your Conscience To Decide The Right Course Of Action

As we dig deeper and wider, or explore new territories lying behind a veil of ambiguity and uncertainty, we are confronted with so may options. We need to decide when to stop searching and what is the right course of action, especially when the Devil makes an offer that is too good to refuse.

That is when we need to consult our conscience and ask: “Does it give me inner peace? Is this the responsible thing to do? Can I live with myself if I choose what is profitable rather than what is meaningful?” Ultimately, your conscience will always lead you to the path which you should follow so you could become what you are meant to be.

A decent person with a good heart will never betray her friends or hurt other people in order to gain some personal advantage. A good person will never bargain with the devil. A true Christian will never willingly do things that dishonour and offend God. Be such a person.

You need to follow your conscience not because you just want to be happy but because your want to be a good and trustworthy person who cannot be bribed or corrupted. With this kind of character and integrity, you always win, whatever the circumstances.

In Part 2 of this article, I will present the remaining principles. The entire 10 principles can be seen in the following table: 

For Part one, I want to conclude on the positive note of suffering with joy: real-life positivity.

Any label is both illuminating and limiting, especially for some holistic fussy concept. Since the label Existential Positive Psychology has been under attack from all sides, as I have described earlier, maybe I should use adjectives, such as Spiritual, Redemptive, Regenerative or Transcendental to describe my approach to positive psychology. I am sure someone will claim credit for any of these descriptive terms. Finally, I have decided to simply call it the Positive Suffering Mindset as a New Paradigm for Sustainable Flourishing. If someone also claims this label, I would say: Why don’t we work together under the same banner?

A rose by any other name is still a rose because of its unique features of beauty and fragrance growing from branches of sharp thorns. Similarly, what distinguishes my approach to the science of wellbeing is that one cannot achieve flourishing without embracing suffering.

References

Broderick, R. (Host) (2024, June 21). Reflections on Living Well Interview with Broderick Rodell | Dr. Paul T. P. Wong [Video]. YouTube.

Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people. Free Press.

Han-Pile, B. (2011). Nietzsche and Amor Fati. European Journal of Philosophy, 19, 224-261. Doi:10.1111/j.1468-0378.2009.00380.x

Jans-Beken, L. G. P. J., & Wong, P. T. P. (2019). Development and preliminary validation of the Existential Gratitude Scale (EGS). Counselling Psychology Quarterly. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/09515070.2019.1656054

Kashdan, T. B. (2024). Foreword: The psychology of curiosity, purpose, flexibility, and more. In L. C. J. Wong (Ed.), Undefeatable: The saga of Paul T. P. Wong’s search for meaning and happiness in a difficult world. INPM Press.

National Positive Psychology Association (NPPA). (2024, May 16). NPPA Conference 2024 | Keynote Lecture | Prof. Paul T. P. Wong | [Video]. YouTube.

Rogers, C. R. (1995). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy (2^nd ed.). HarperOne. (Originally published in 1961)

Ryff, C. D. (2012). Existential well-being and health. In P. T. P. Wong (Ed.), The human quest for meaning: Theories, research, and applications (2nd ed., pp. 233–247). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

Schopenhauer, A. (2020). On the suffering of the world (E. Thacker, Ed.). Repeater. (Originally published in 1851).

Tiago V Faleiro. (2017, March 31). Jordan Peterson – I suffer therefore I am [Video]. YouTube.

Wong, P. T. P. (1979). Frustration, exploration, and learning. Canadian Psychological Review, 20, 133-144.

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Wong, P. T. P. (2019, November 21). Why and How I Developed the Positive Psychology of Suffering. Dr. Paul T. P. Wong. http://www.drpaulwong.com/why-and-how-i-developed-the-positive-psychology-of-suffering/

Wong, P. T. P. (2020, September 24). The unheard cry of a successful Asian psychologist. The Journal of Psychology: Interdisciplinary and Applied. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2020.1820430

Wong, P. T. P. (2021). What is existential positive psychology (PP 2.0)? Why is it necessary for mental health during the pandemic. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 10(1), 1–16. https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol10-no1/what-is-existential-positive-psychology-pp-2-0-why-is-it-necessary-for-mental-health-during-the-pandemic/

Wong, P. T. P. (2023a). Pioneer in research in existential positive psychology of suffering and global flourishing: Paul T. P. Wong. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 18, 2153-2157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-023-10207-7

Wong, P. T. P. (2023b, March 16). Hope keeps us moving forward [President’s Column]. Positive Living Newsletter. https://mailchi.mp/meaning.ca/pldt-mar-11967588

Wong, P. T. P. (2024a). Lesson 5 – AEPP02: ABCDE strategy, effective coping, resilience, and multicultural perspective.

Wong, P. T. P. (2024b, March 30). How to say yes to life in the face of suffering and death [President’s column]. Positive Living Newsletter. https://www.meaning.ca/article/how-to-say-yes-to-life-in-the-face-of-suffering-and-death/

Wong, P. T. P., & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society. IGI Global.

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., Mayer, C.-H., & Bowers, V. L. (2022). Shifting the paradigm of positive psychology: Toward an existential positive psychology of wellbeing. In A. H. Kemp (Ed.), Broadening the scope of wellbeing science: Multidisciplinary and interdiscipinary perspectives on human flourishing and wellbeing (pp. 13-27). Palgrave Macmillan. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-18329-4_2

Wong, P. T. P., Davey, D., Mayer, C.-H., &Cowden, R. G. (2024, June 27). The emerging paradigm of existential positive psychology and abundant life human flourishing [Paper session]. Regent University Christian Flourishing Summer School, Virgina, US.

Wong, P. T. P., & Gonot-Schoupinsky, F. (in press). Mental health and meaning: a positive autoethnographic case study of Paul Wong. In F. Gonot-Schoupinsky & J. Carson (Eds.), Positive psychology autoethnographic case studies.

Wong, P. T. P., & Roy, S. (2017). Critique of positive psychology and positive interventions. In N. J. L. Brown, T. Lomas, & F. J. Eiroa-Orosa (Eds.), The Routledge international handbook of critical positive psychology. London, England: Routledge.

Wong, P. T. P., & Weiner, B. (1981). When people ask “Why” questions and the heuristic of attributional search. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 40(4), 650-663.

Wong, P. T. P., & Worth, P. (2017). The deep-and-wide hypothesis in giftedness and creativity [Special issue]. Psychology and Education, 54(3/4). http://www.psychologyandeducation.net/pae/category/volume-54-no-3-4-2017/

World Science Festival. (2014, August 22). The invisible reality: The wonderful weirdness of the quantum world. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxRfDtaot5U

The post Positive Suffering Mindset: The Key To Flourishing In Turbulent Times appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

“Easter never fails us. Even in the worst of times, amidst destruction, death and despair, Easter arrives as surely as daybreak, boldly proclaiming the message of renewal and hope. Whether you believe in the historical truth of the resurrection of Jesus Christ or in its symbolism, Biblical accounts of the first Easter Sunday have proven to be a powerful source of inspiration and transformation.”

Easter is only a few days away. Easter reminds us of the paradoxical truth that the crown comes after the cross and rebirth comes after death. We need to keep Easter in mind in order to say “Yes” to life in spite of the horrors of suffering and meaninglessness of human existence.

Introduction

I have been to hell and back twice. That is how I learned to say “Yes” to life even at the bottom of the dark pit of suffering and death.

My first close encounter with death was due to the severe side effects of being prescribed the wrong medication (Wong, 2008). I recorded my lived experience of going through the crucible of suffering which eventually led to a publication on mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018),

My second close encounter with death was February last year. It was caused by my dentist’s negligence of giving me antibiotics for the extraction of one of my molar teeth. Within three days, the resulting infection and inflammation landed me at Toronto’s Mount Sinai Hospital’s emergency ward.

After three hours of surgery, excruciating pain and burning sensations of itchiness tormented my recuperation at Mount Sinai. In addition, my long and sleepless nights were haunted by scary hallucinations. There was no escape from my living hell. What sustained me during those lonely and painful days and nights at Mount Sinai was my faith-based hope (Wong, 2023).

Now, after more than a year, I am still processing the deeper meaning of my struggles at Mount Sinai Hospital. I am still wrestling with God about so many questions: What is the point of striving towards my noble vision when I am already old and struggling with many pains and obstacles? How can I experience joy and meaning in the face of futility, absurdity, and the horrors of human evil?

My only consolation is that I am not alone in my existential crisis. Many people much more intelligent and successful than me–e.g., Tolstoy, Nietzsche, and Frankl–have gone through similar existential struggles. Some of my readers may be also going through existential crises and agonizing over such questions such as giving up or holding on to hope.

In this brief paper, I want to share some of my reflections and discoveries. I hope that these thoughts may give you the courage and faith to say “Yes” to life no matter what.

The Four Major Sources of Help and Hope for Affirming Life

There are at least four major sources of help and hope in our existential struggles:

1. Medicine and Science

Most people pin their hope on medical doctors, but they are also fallible human beings like you and me, as I have just described in the Introduction. Elsewhere, I have also listed many reasons why we need to go beyond the medical model to find answers to the problems of human sufferings and predicaments (Wong & Laird, 2023).

Yes, science and technology have their limitations. As Jean-Paul Sartre famously said, “Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” Indeed, science and technology solve most problems in the physical world, but it still cannot heal our broken hearts and liberate us from human bondage.

The good news is that, even with their inherent human limitations, medical and health science continue to make breakthroughs to save lives and reduce mental illness. For example, delivering weak electrical currents through electrodes placed on the forehead can reduce depression (Fox, 2024), and science can prolong life and increase life expectancy (Yanes, 2023).

But the value of human life is not measured by how long you live, but by how well you live. My research on successful aging has shown the importance of meaning and spirituality in improving wellbeing during old age (Wong, 1989, 1998). Thus, it would be difficult to go through life without some personal meaning and religious faith.

2. Religion and Faith

According to research, religious faith is another major source of wellbeing for practicing believers (Cranney, 2024); they tend to be happier and healthier than the unbelievers. But religion is also a double-edged sword (Pargament & Lomax, 2013); in spite of its health benefits, it also contributes to conflicts, violence, and even mental illness.

In addition, there is evidence that faith and religion cannot always protect believers from mental illness and suicide (Lawrence et al, 2016; Therapy for Christians, 2021). For example, one Chrisian pastor reported three suicides in his church within two years (Widmer, 2023).

My personal experience as a pastor and a psychologist is that there is an important difference between shallow and deep religiosity. For the former, believers tend to be dogmatic, close-minded, hypocritical, and judgemental of those belonging to a different religion. They emphasize rituals rather than living out their faith. Many of the downsides of religiosity can be attributed to the shallow variety.

In contrast, people that exhibit deep religiosity emphasize a nuanced understanding of the scripture, authenticity in beliefs, and living out their faith everyday, whether at home or in church. They love God with all their heart, mind, and soul. They can give a reason for their beliefs and people know that they are believers by their love for others. C. S. Lewis, Henry Nouwen, and Thomas Merton are just some of the examples of deep Christianity.

For myself, I eventually found Christ through the long journey of growing up with traditional Chinese culture (Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism), searching for consolation and truth in existentialism and Christianity during my youth, and my final discovering that the heart and soul of Christianity is faith in Christ crucified and raised from death for my salvation.

This long and tortuous journey allows me to have the breadth and depth of deep religiosity. I have found the only truth capable of defeating the horrors of suffering and death: only God himself is capable of coming up with the utterly insane way of saving us from sin and death–by sending his son Jesus to die for us in order to redeem us from the penalty of sin (John 3:16). At the deepest level, Christ is also universal because the divine truth of faith, hope, and love (Wong, 2023) can be found in all major religions.

3. Philosophy and Philosophical Therapy

Philosophy, as the study of wisdom, has a lot to offer about both the pursuit of happiness and the reduction of suffering and suicide. It is not surprising that more and more philosophers are practicing philosophical counselling (Romeo, 2023).

There are different philosophical schools such as Stoicism, Existentialism, and Taoism. There are also difference philosophical perspective on suicide (Kelly & Dale, 2011). Regardless of which school of philosophy, they all agree on the importance of rationality, knowledge, wisdom, truth, and morality. They help people develop a philosophy of life regarding their worldviews, core beliefs, and most cherished values. It is always beneficial to know one’s true self, what really matters, and examine one’s own life so that one may gain wisdom for living.

For example, Kierkegaard, known as the father of existential philosophy, wrote: “One must first learn to know oneself before knowing anything else. Only when the person has inwardly understood himself, and then seen the way forward on his path, does his life acquire repose and meaning.” Another influential existential philosopher, Nietzsche, wrote in Beyond Good and Evil (1886/2010):

I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: Let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I don’t even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all… I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.

Contrary to public understanding, Nietzsche is not a nihilist. One of his main struggles is to overcome the horrors of existence and nihilism. The above quotes clearly indicate that, after all his emotional and intellectual struggles, he chose to love fate (Amor fati), say “Yes” to life, and affirm the possibility of joy (Chang, 2024).

In order to live without regrets for all his mistakes and accept the horrors of suffering and meaninglessness, Nietzsche resorted to the will to power and develop the myth of becoming a “superman” according to his book, Thus Spoke Zarathustra (Cybulska, 2012; Nietzsche, 1885/1954). He proposes that we need to resort to creating myths and illusions in order to survive the horrors and terrors of human existence. That is how we can maintain some sanity in an insane society. This created “truth” allows us to love our destiny and do something great with our lives in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. His solution is similar to the terror management theory in psychology (Solomon et al, 1991) and Soper’s (2020) brain-pain theory of suicide.

4. Psychology and Psychotherapy

As a psychologist, I naturally believe that psychology is a major source of healing and wellbeing. Like philosophy, there are different schools of psychology, such as psychoanalysis, behaviorism, humanism, and multiculturalism. They all contribute to a holistic understanding of what it means to a human being. There are also major schools of psychotherapy, such as existential therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), narrative therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and integrative therapy.

After doing research and therapy in so many schools of psychology and psychotherapy, I finally came to the conclusion that since people are so complex and multifaceted and mental illness still remains a mystery, the only sensible thing to do is to take a holistic and integrative approach.

My integrative framework for research is called “existential positive psychology” (PP 2.0) because the science of positive psychology of wellbeing and flourishing needs to be situated in the larger context of human existence with its dark and bright side of life. We can be healed and made whole through the dialectical interaction between Yin (dark) and Yang (bright), with an emphasis on transcending polarity and transforming suffering to inner peace, balance, and harmony (Wong & Bowers, 2018; Wong & Cowden, 2022). Therefore, do not seek to maximize your happiness and success; be content with optimizing your inner peace with yourself, others, and God.

My integrative meaning therapy was shaped by Nietzsche, Maslow, and Frankl. It incorporates various therapeutic modalities, such as CBT, narrative therapy, existential therapy, and cross-cultural therapy, with meaning as the central organizing construct. Not only do we need to make every minute meaningful, but also need to devote our lives to something much greater and nobler than ourselves. It is a life of self-transcendence.

Viktor Frankl’s concept of self-transcendence represents a paradigm shift which simultaneously restore the human soul and spirituality to the center stage of psychology and elevates the human quest for meaning as the most important primary motivation capable of healing and flourishing in the face of suffering and death, as represented by the following figure:

If you are languishing or struggling with suffering and meaninglessness, the following principles of PP 2.0 may be helpful to you:

• Awareness of your true self: The process of knowing your true self is fraught with challenges. Not only do you need to have the courage to face your dark side, but you also need to work through various kinds of self-deception and defense mechanisms. It is a worthwhile endeavour because to embrace and love the totality of yourself is the foundation of mental health. In his book On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers (1961/1995) says: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” Positive transformation begins with facing and accepting the rejected parts of yourself.
• The duality of suffering and happiness: Everything exists in duality in a fallen world. Thus, good and evil, as well as happiness and suffering, coexist. However, one can achieve non-duality through awakening, rebirth, and self-transcendence. The last process involves transcending the duality through the daily spiritual discipline of mindfulness meditation and wrestling with God in order to achieve inner peace, balance, and harmony.

• The principles of self-transcendence (Wong, 2022) are shown in the next graph. Meditate on them. Any of these principles can show you a path to move forward but your need to cultivate your existential courage, faith, hope, and love.

Conclusion

In the light of the truth of Easter and Good Friday, I can boldly say “Yes” to life whatever the circumstances. Only divine truth is greater than the reality of suffering and death and more powerful than any of the superhero myths.

You can also start with the baby steps of developing new life attitudes and new habits according to the above lesson and the principles according to the following graph. In the final analysis, your character determines your wellbeing and your destiny. Therefore, love your fate, and love your life.

Before I sign off, I want to recommend to you two remarkable books: 1) Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and 2) Laura Hillenbrand’s (2010) bestselling book Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption–a biopic of Louis (Lourie) Zamperini’s struggle for survival after a plane crash until his liberation from a prisoner of war camp.

These two books have one thing in common. When the protagonists were subjected to unimaginable horrors of sufferings and degradation, they drew their inner strength from the defiant power of the human spirit and faith in God as the Ultimate Rescuer. Both books illustrate the truth that you need to embrace the faith and spirituality in you in order to survive and transcend the horrors of life.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). May the power of the only true superhero be with you, now and forever!

If you are interested in learning more about integrative meaning therapy (IMT), please register for my upcoming certificate course here. More details can be found here.

References

Chang, E. C. (2024). An appraisal of Nietzsche’s philosophical concept of amor fati: A potentially useful psychological construct in the study of positive human existence? The Humanistic Psychologist. https://doi.org/10.1037/hum0000354

Cranney, S. (2024, March 23). Are religious people happier? The science is pretty clear. Deseret News. https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2024/03/23/religion-effect-on-happiness/

Cybulska, E. (2012). Nietzsche’s Übermensch: A hero of our time? Philosophy Now. https://philosophynow.org/issues/93/Nietzsches_Ubermensch_A_Hero_of_Our_Time

Fox, N. (2024, March 25). ‘The headset helps my depression so I can be a dad again. BBC. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-68567726

Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. Washington Square Press. (First published in 1946)

Hillenbrand, L. (2014). Unbroken: A World War II story of survival, resilience, and redemption. Random House.

Kelly, C., & Dale, E. (2011). Ethical perspectives on suicide and suicide prevention. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 17(3), 214–219. https://doi.org/10.1192/apt.bp.109.007021

Lawrence, R. E., Oquendo, M. A., & Stanley, B. (2016). Religion and suicide risk: A systematic review. Archives of suicide research: Official journal of the International Academy for Suicide Research, 20(1), 1–21.

Nietzsche, F. (1954). Thus spoke Zarathustra. (W. Kaufmann, Trans.). The Viking Press. (Original work published in 1885)

Nietzsche, F. (2010). Beyond good and evil. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. (Originally published in 1886)

Pargament, K. I., & Lomax, J. W. (2013). Understanding and addressing religion among people with mental illness. World psychiatry: Official journal of the World Psychiatric Association (WPA), 12(1), 26–32. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20005

Rogers, C. R. (1995). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy (2nd ed.). HarperOne. (Originally published in 1961)

Romeo, N. (2023, December 23). When philosophers become therapists. The New Yorker. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-inquiry/when-philosophers-become-therapists

Soper, C. A. (2020). The evolution of life worth living: Why we choose to live. C. A. Soper.

Solomon, S., Greenberg, J.,& Pyszczynski, T. (1991). A terror management theory of social behavior: The psychological functions of self-esteem and cultural worldviews. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 24, 93–159. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60328-7

Widmer, C. (2023, September 27). Our church lost three men to suicide in two years. Christianity Today. https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2023/september-web-only/suicide-stats-christian-church-community-pastor-resources.html

Williams, C. (2021, June 1). Does faith prevent mental health issues? Therapy for Christians. https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/mental-illness-and-faith

Wong, P. T. P. (1989). Personal meaning and successful aging. Canadian Psychology, 30(3), 516–525. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0079829/

Wong, P. T. P. (1998). Spirituality, meaning, and successful aging. In P. T. P. Wong & P. S. Fry (Eds.), The human quest for meaning: A handbook of psychological research and clinical applications (pp. 359–394). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.

Wong, P. T. P. (2002). The meaning of Easter: A message for positive psychology. Positive Living Newsletter. http://www.meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_apl_2002_meaning-of-easter.htm

Wong, P. T. P. (2008). To hell and back and what I have learned about happiness. International Network on Personal Meaning. 

http://www.meaning.ca/archives/archive/art_hell_and_back_P_Wong.html

Wong, P. T. P. (2022). The best possible life in a troubled world: The seven principles of self-transcendence [亂世中活出最好的人生：自我超越的七項原則]. Positive Psychology in Counseling and Education. https://doi.org/10.30099/PPCE.202206_(1).0001

Wong, P. T. P. (2023). Spiritual-existential wellbeing (SEW): The faith-hope-love model of mental health and total wellbeing. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 12(1). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol12-no1/spiritual-existential-wellbeing/

Wong, P. T. P., & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society. IGI Global.

Wong, P. T. P., & Cowden, R. G. (2022). Accelerating the science and practice of psychology beyond WEIRD biases: Enriching the landscape through Asian psychology. Frontiers in Psychology. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1054519

Wong, P. T. P., & Laird, D. (2023). Varieties of suffering in clinical settings: Re-envisioning mental health beyond the medical model. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1155845

Yanes, J. (2023, February 16). Can science extend the human lifespan? BBVA Open Mind. https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/science/bioscience/can-science-longevity-human-lifespan/

The post How to say Yes to Life in the Face of Suffering and Death appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

Believe it or not, after 20 years, the International Network on Personal Meaning (INPM) still represents a unique voice of hope and meaning for the suffering masses. My course on Adventures with Viktor Frankl represents our latest project to provide a new vision of meaning-centered approach to mental health and flourishing. It is still not too late for you–INPM members and newsletter subscribers–to enroll and discover how this course can transform your life.

You may not know that my vision for INPM was developed while teaching at York University more than 50 years ago. I’m grateful for the many long conversations I had with the late Dr. David Bakan, author of Duality of Human Existence (1966) and Disease, Pain & Sacrifice: Towards a Psychology of Suffering (1968), during my time at York.

He was interested in my work because I taught “Learning Theory” and “Research Methodology” while having a strong faith in Christianity. The topics of our conversation could range from Job’s suffering, the meaning of Abraham’s sacrifice of Issac, and the resurrection of Jesus. I argued for a tripartite model of human beings:

• Agency – peace with one’s true self by devoting one’s life to his or her calling (exemplar: the leadership of Moses).
• Communion – peace with others through love and forgiveness (exemplar: the patience of Job).
• Spirituality – connecting with God and doing God’s will (exemplar: the faith of Abraham).

I also argued with him that all three connections can be achieved through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus as our redeemer.

We did not always agree but we enjoyed the dialogue. These deep discussions laid the foundation for my self-transcendence paradigm of existential wellbeing, which is the main focus of my current research.

Towards the end of 2023, I could not help but enjoy a sense of bitter-sweet nostalgia. I happened to remember my 2002 Christmas message of hope which is still relevant today. I want to reproduce it here for your enjoyment.

May God bless you with a wonderful new year.

Most people take oxygen for granted, until they have respiratory problems. Similarly, we don’t realize the importance of hope, until it is shattered or taken away from us. Without the magic of hope, all life withers away.

Just last week, a 16-year old youth hanged himself, because the coach threatened to remove him from the hockey team. About the same time, a 22-year-old woman drowned herself after a heated argument with her boyfriend.

Each day, thousands of young people complete suicide. Their night falls fast because they give up hope too soon. Somehow, they cannot see beyond their present difficulties.

Martin Seligman, proponent of ‘learned optimism’, offers a simple but effective solution. If individuals learn to explain away their problems as temporary and specific setbacks, then they can remain hopeful that better days are ahead.

Other psychologists, such as C. R. Snyder, emphasize the importance of agency. If people have confidence in their own competence and resourcefulness to achieve success, then they would not easily succumb to despair.

According to Michael Scheier and Charles Carver, some individuals are simply optimistic by nature. They possess what may be called ‘dispositional optimism’. They tend to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. They expect good things to happen to them most of the time.

Psychological research by Shelly Taylor and others have also shown that a positive bias may be beneficial and adaptive. A little illusion can be good medicine.

Often, the above ideas of optimism are predicated on the assumption that people are entitled to the good life, which means the absence of suffering and troubling thoughts.

People who hold this kind of worldview may ask: “What good could possibly come from pain, fear, or despair?” They would suggest: “Banish all negative thoughts from our consciousness, then we can enjoy authentic happiness and lasting hope.”

Unfortunately, the opposite may be true in many situations. Consider a woman who has just been diagnosed as having no more than six months to live. After enduring surgery and chemotherapy, that is the only hope her physician can offer her. How far can positive illusion carry her?

You may also consider visiting a hospice. The patients there know why they are there; they are only keenly aware that their physical life will soon come to an end. Could they maintain confidence in their own competence when their fragile existence is based on dependence on the care from others?

How about the less fortunate people who live in parts of the world which have been devastated and decimated by wars, AIDS, poverty, and natural disasters? Could they explain their misfortunes away through learned optimism?

Is hope possible in such desperate situations? How could one find hope beyond hope? Do we need to believe in miracles in order to keep hope alive?

Some people refer to December as the month of miracles, because of Christmas. They believe that God–loving us so much that He gave us His only son–would surely perform other miracles in our lives, if only we believe. They pray for healing of terminal illnesses, for delivery from chronic pain and suffering, and for rescue from the jaws of death.

But there is a catch for miracle seekers–those who demand miracles are most likely to be disappointed. God is not a miracle worker at our beckon command. Belief in miracles can give us false hope.

If belief in miracles is not the answer then what kind of hope can survive the most devastating blows of life? Where can we find the hope that springs eternal?

The following is what I have learned from those who are suffering and dying–they can teach us a great deal about hope:

• You need a hope that is stronger than your best strength, greater than your highest success, and bigger than all the world could offer.
• You need a hope that is born of a tragic vision and baptized by fire in the sacred chamber of suffering, in which you can discover the essence of your inner being.
• You need a hope that transcends the present circumstances and physical bodies, a hope that is connected with the spiritual reality which endures forever.
• You need a hope that is based on affirmation in the essential goodness and ultimate meaning of the Source of Life, which becomes increasingly real as you travel further along in the long night’s journey into dawn.

Such is the mystery of tragic optimism. Such is the true miracle of Christmas, which shines forever, regardless of what happens to our present lives or our physical bodies.

Yes, you can hope again, even when the world, as you know it, is disintegrating right before your eyes.

You can hope when you, with trembling, feeble hands, embrace life in the valley of death.

You can hope when your eyes are open to the enchanting, transcendental reality beyond the physical realm.

References

Bakan, D. (1966). The duality of human existence: An essay on psychology and religion. Rand Mcnally.

Bakan, D. (1968). Disease, pain, and sacrifice: Toward a psychology of suffering. U. Chicago Press.

CBC News. (2023, December 19). Stress, isolation, feelings of failure: Rising costs are taking a toll on mental health this holiday season. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/cost-of-living-impacts-b-c-1.7060037

The post You Can Hope Again appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

As a clinical psychologist, I have learned from my clients that most of them have succeeded by any objective standard and enjoy good physical health. Yet, they feel so they miserable and stressed out to the point of seeking professional help. “With all my success, why do I still feel unfulfilled, frustrated, and disappointed?” “Why do I have problems with my spouse?” “What is the point of all the struggle?” “What is the meaning of life?” “Is there any solution to my problems?” These are of the common questions raised by my clients.

No wonder many young people have become very cynical about the traditional formula for a good life – good education, good job, and a happy marriage. That have witnessed the futility of the traditional path to success and happiness in their parents, yet they do not know any alternative life purpose.

Is this essay, I want to unpack the meaning of existential wellbeing as the key to positive mental health and global flourishing.

Meaning is the Answer According to Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl discovered many years ago that “ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” And he correctly pointed out that neither pleasure nor power can satisfy the human soul, which cries out for meaning. The genius of Viktor Frankl is not his discovery of the importance of meaning, but his profound understanding of meaning in life in terms of self-transcendence, as explained in the above quote from Frankl.

We need self-transcendence, because we need to transcend our ego, the main source of inner torments, because of all its unfulfilled pride, insecurities, and insoluble conflicts. In addition, we all need self-transcendence in order to pursue something greater than ourselves and connect with the Ultimate Meaning and others.

According to Frankl, all mental illnesses can be attributed to one general factor – a sick soul from living a meaningless life; therefore, the key to mental health and flourishing is to live a meaningful life defined as the self-transcendental way of life. I have expanded Frankl’s concept of self transcendence into the new paradigm of existential positive psychology (See Figure 1; Wong, Mayer et al., 2021; Wong, Cowden et al., 2022).

Figure 1

The New Paradigm of Existential Positive Psychology

How to Turn Suffering into Flourishing

My new paradigm for happiness and flourishing is to accept the baseline of suffering and transform it into flourishing. Here is a step-by-step guide towards positive mental health in spite of all your problems:

The First Step Is To Accept And Embrace Suffering As An Inevitable Part Of Life

Figure 2 shows that our suffering can come from any combination of the four major sources of suffering. Most people are not even aware of their spiritual-existential suffering because they are so preoccupied with the material world that they do not spend time to cultivate the spiritual or transcendental values of faith, hope, and love (Wong, 2023a).

Figure 2

Four Major Sources of Suffering

From a holistic framework, the inevitable result of ignoring our ultimate concerns for meaning and connection is a sense of emptiness, boredom, and loneliness, which cannot be fulfilled by pleasures, and worldly success, as my clients have demonstrated.

That is why the spiritual-existential dimension is the most important dimension for our total health or quality-of-life as shown in Figure 3. The spiritual-existential dimension actually permeates every aspects of our life because we are basically spiritual beings with the breath of God in us. That is why we can never find meaning and fulfillment when this dimension is neglected, even when we have satisfied all the needs of the other three dimensions.

Figure 3

The Bio-psycho-social-spiritual Model of Health

The Second Step Is To Endure Suffering And Make It The Foundation For Flourishing

Yes, endurance. If you really accept suffering as the baseline of life, it logically follows that you need to learn how to endure suffering, no matter how painful.

I have already published a lot on the new science of enduring and transforming suffering (Wong, 2023a; Wong & Worth, 2017; Wong, Ho et al., 2023). It will take a book to document all the empirical evidence and real life examples of the importance of endurance. Without enduring the long dark night, you will not see the new dawn. Similarly, without endurance of suffering, you cannot flourish as demonstrated in Figure 4.

Figure 4

Towards a General Theory of Global Wellbeing

The Third Step Is To Understand The Meaning Of Suffering And Achieve Existential Wellbeing As The Foundation For Mental Health And Flourishing

According to my suffering hypothesis (Wong, 2023b; Wong & Laird, in press), sinking one’s roots deep into the soil of suffering is necessary for flourishing. It will involve existential intelligence, self-transcendence, and the virtues of courage, patience, and faith in order to flourish and experience existential wellbeing even in the worst of circumstances.

What Is Existential Wellbeing? What Does It Look Life?

I want to conclude this little adventure into the wonderland of existential positive psychology by describing existential wellbeing in a way that my readers can readily relate to.

In simple terms, existential wellbeing (EWB) means the ability to live well and die well in spite of pain, obstacles, and impending death. Generally a person is enjoying a sense of EWB when one has gone through adversity and has learned (a) the meaning of suffering, (b) the existential wisdom concerning the big picture and long-terms benefits, (c) the need and skills to relate to others at a deeper level, (d) the need and benefits of connecting with God or a Higher power, and (e ) the wisdom of dialectically navigating opposite forces and achieving balance and harmony. Figure 5 shows some of the indicators or correlates of existential wellbeing.

Figure 5

Indicators of Existential Wellbeing

In our latest invited article on existential wellbeing for the journal Medicina (Wong et al., in preparation), we emphasize that existential wellbeing (EWB) is the most important kind of wellbeing for people suffering from various diseases, especially for patients in palliative or hospice care (Wong & Yu, 2021). We propose that this type of wellbeing involves some combination of the following experiences:

1. Prior experience of overcoming adversity.
2. Some level of existential intelligence (Gardner, 2020) in solving one’s existential concerns, such as meaninglessness and fear of death.
3. Some level of spiritual wellbeing based on transcendental values of faith, hope, and love (Wong, 2023a).
4. Some wisdom of the soul (Wong 2022).
5. Some knowledge of meaning-focused coping (Eisenbeck et al., 2021).
6. Some knowledge and experience of self-transcendence (Reed & Haugan, 2021; Wong, Arslan et al., 2021).

The discovery of EWB provides new ground of hope for mental health without total dependence on the medical model, and it is based on the new science of suffering (Wong, Ho et al., 2022). Just imagine how it can change your attitude towards suffering and transform your life for the better when you know how to (1) redefine positivity or wellbeing in terms of seeing and being the light in the darkness, (2) navigate the dialectical process of balancing between opposites, and (3) enjoy the mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018) of inner peace and harmony during turbulent times.

References

Eisenbeck, N., Carreno, D. F., & Pérez-Escobar, J. A. (2021). Meaning-Centered Coping in the Era of COVID-19: Direct and Moderating Effects on Depression, Anxiety, and Stress. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 648383. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.648383

Gardner, H. (2020, July 8). A resurgence of interest in existential intelligence: Why now? https://www.howardgardner.com/howards-blog/a-resurgence-of-interest-in-existential-intelligence-why-now

Reed, P. G., & Haugan, G. (2021, March 12). Self-transcendence: A salutogenic process for well-being. In G. Haugan, & M. Eriksson (Eds.), Health promotion in health care – wital theories and research (Chapter 9). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK585654

Wong, P. T. P. (2022). The wisdom of the soul: The missing key to happiness and positive mental health? [Review of the book A Time for Wisdom: Knowledge, Detachment, Tranquility, Transcendence, by P. T. McLaughlin & M. R. McMinn]. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 11(2). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol11-no2/the-wisdom-of-the-soul-the-missing-key-to-happiness-and-positive-mental-health/

Wong, P. T. P. (2023a). Spiritual-existential wellbeing (SEW): The faith-hope-love model of mental health and total wellbeing. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 11(2). http://www.drpaulwong.com/spiritual-existential-wellbeing

Wong, P. T. P. (2023b). Pioneer in research in existential positive psychology of suffering and global flourishing: Paul T. P. Wong. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 18, 2153-2157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-023-10207-7

Wong, P. T. P., Arslan, G., Bowers, V. L., Peacock, E. J., Kjell, O. N. E., Ivtzan, I., Lomas, T. (2021). Self-transcendence as a buffer against COVID-19 suffering: The development and validation of the Self-Transcendence measure-B. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 4229. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.648549

Wong, P. T. P., & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society (pp. 112-134). IGI Global.

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., Mayer, C.-H., & Bowers, V. L. (2022). Shifting the paradigm of positive psychology: Toward an existential positive psychology of wellbeing. In A. H. Kemp (Ed.), Broadening the scope of wellbeing science: Multidisciplinary and interdiscipinary perspectives on human flourishing and wellbeing (pp. 13-27). Palgrave Macmillan. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-18329-4_2

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., Yu, T. T. F., & Arslan, G. (In preparation). Existential wellbeing (EWB) and palliative care. Medicina.

Wong, P. T. P., Ho, L. S., Mayer, C.-H., Yang, F., & Cowden, R. G. (2023). A New Science of Suffering, Existential Intelligence, and the New Behavioral Economics of Happiness-Toward a General Theory of Wellbeing [Special Issue]. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1280613/full

Wong, P. T. P., & Laird, D. (2023). Varieties of suffering in clinical setting: Re-envisioning mental health beyond the medical model. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1155845

Wong, P. T. P., & Laird, D. (in press). The suffering hypothesis: Viktor Frankl’s spiritual remedies and recent developments. In C. McLafferty, Jr. and J. Levinson (Eds.), Logotherapy and Existential Analysis: Proceedings of the Viktor Frankl Institute of Logotherapy Frankl Institute Vienna (Vol. 2). Springer Research.

Wong, P. T. P., Mayer, C.-H., & Arslan, G. (Eds.). (2021). COVID-19 and Existential Positive Psychology (PP 2.0): The new science of self-transcendence [Special Issue]. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/research-topics/14988/covid-19-and-existential-positive-psychology-pp20-the-new-science-of-self-transcendence

Wong, P. T. P., & Worth, P. (2017). The deep-and-wide hypothesis in giftedness and creativity [Special issue]. Psychology and Education, 54(3/4). Retrieved from http://www.psychologyandeducation.net/pae/category/volume-54-no-3-4-2017/

Wong, P. T. P., & Yu, T. T. F. (2021). Existential suffering in palliative care: An existential positive psychology perspective. Medicina, 57(9), 924. https://doi.org/10.3390/medicina57090924

The post President’s Column: Is Existential Wellbeing the Key to Positive Mental Health? appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

Is it possible to have the kind of ideal community as described by Nelson Mandela?

I am afraid not. And for good reasons, too.

Suppose that there was an ideal community. Your or my presence would ruin it because none of us are perfect. We are all broken in some way, living in a broken world driven by selfishness, greed, and pride.

Present-day South Africa is an example (Cele, 2023). It is a far cry from Mandela’s ideal, in spite of his lifelong efforts and South Africa’s love and respect for the man.

Here is another idealistic view of a community, as proposed by Jean Vanier.

Vanier was the founder of Ark communities (Hattrup, 2019). He is honoured internationally as a savior of people with disabilities (The Banner, 2019). Unfortunately, shortly after his death in 2019, reports began to surface about his sexual abuse of women. Here is the latest report (Tadié, 2023):

A new independent report commissioned by L’Arche International and released on its website Jan. 30 has shed light on the magnitude of psychological and sexual abuse committed by its famous founder, Jean Vanier, who died in 2019.

Is there any hope of building a free and loving community, given our fallen nature and tendency to act on our desires for power, wealth, fame, and sex? Who can fathom the heart of darkness? This article will introduce four interrelated inconvenient truths for community building, based on my lifelong research and personal experience.

First: Be the change you want to see in the group

Recently, a middle-aged woman sought my help. She wanted me to help her live a more meaningful life because she, at the time, felt that her life was empty, lonely, and boring. She was not the only one who sought my guidance regarding existential issues. The main difference is that she was resistant to making any changes and refused to consider any of my suggestions; she only wanted me to help her find the ideal group so that she could join so that she could be happy again:

All I want is a group that care for me, pays attention to me, and lifts up my spirit. I have been with a Bible study group for more than 20 years, but they only preach; they don’t walk the talk. For example, they didn’t even visit their aging parents in China after the pandemic.

In addition, she told me that she did not want to read any book or listen to any preaching; she only wanted me to hold her hand and lead her to an ideal loving and caring group. It is human nature to need love and attention, but it cannot be one-sided. We may have to care for others first. Who wants to be friends with someone who is judgmental and narcissistic? Instead of complaining about all the different groups she had joined, she needed to be the change she wanted to see in the group. That is challenging but necessary.

Second: Do not ask what you can get from life, but ask what life demands from you

In real life, we often have to do what we don’t like or what is beyond our comfort zone. The demand for our service from changing circumstances may be contrary to our initial career planning or life crafting (Chen et al., 2022).

We may feel inadequate for the demands from life, but necessity and moral obligations may require us to rise to the challenge.

Ironically, by temperament and by profession, I enjoy working alone as a researcher and as a clinician. I hate long unproductive meetings, loud crowds, and doing small talks with strangers. In addition, I dislike public speaking; I used to stutter and public speaking in English with a Chinese accent makes the task even more daunting.

In spite of all my shortcomings, and my natural aversion to lead any group, I have been a leader in community building for most of my adult life.

God must have a sense of humor; he seems to delight in calling the weak to confound the strong. He has given me assignments which are way beyond my comfort zone, and beyond my area and my innate competence.

During my darkest hours in struggling with my impossible assignments, I even questioned whether God was playing a cruel joke on me. But deep down, I believe that God knows me better than myself.

Over the years, in spite of my initial reluctance, protest, and feeling like a failure, I have been successful in starting churches, non-profits, and community projects such as Neighbours Together in Vancouver, settling the Boat People from Vietnam in Peterborough, and the Meaningful Living Meetup in Toronto. I have also been successful at preaching, teaching, and leading academic departments.

These assignments were very painful , and were accompanied by feelings of not being understood or appreciated. But, in  the end, I have the deep satisfaction that my self-sacrifice and suffering have yielded fruits beyond my expectations. For example, the first Toronto Gospel Church I founded in 1963 has already multiplied into several other churches. Another surprise is that in spite of these time-consuming community involvements, my research career has not suffered much.

Third: We are all interconnected, rather than solitary agents

The statement to the right was penned by me about two decades ago, but I still endorse it because this is the mechanism for implementing the first inconvenient truth of community building.

Let the truth be told that we are not self-contained individuals clothed in skin. It is an illusion based on our ignorance. We can’t survive without receiving help from others. When we get very old, we may even need others to bathe us and change us.

The truth is that we are all inescapably interconnected like our anatomy. We all need each other. Our head cannot tell our feet that they are not important. You will find out how important your lowly feet can be when you can no longer walk.

Self-awareness has been touted as an important soft skill for success in life (Higgins, 2023), but self- awareness needs to include awareness of our interdependence. Unless we are awakened to this reality, we will not function well, and we will not find meaning in our lives. The following quote expresses this truth eloquently.

“No man is an island entire of itself,” said John Donne. Love is the glue, and love is the greatest force in life. Love means accepting others as they are, forgive others indefinitely, and willing to sacrifice for others (Wong & Mayer, 2023)

Yes, no one can experience meaning in life without relationships. One needs to go beyond oneself and reorient towards others in order to experience meaning in life, as emphasized by Viktor Frankl repeatedly in his writings on the need for self-transcendence (Frankl, 1946/1985). The following quote was from one of my older publications, but it conveys the same truth:

We are more likely to experience meaning in life when we intentionally exercise the intelligent use of freedom and responsibility to achieve three major interrelated purposes: to survive, to fulfil one’s potential, and to serve something greater than oneself, all within a relational context and without violating any moral or ethical constraints.

Indeed, life is meaningful to the extent it is related to someone greater or more important than us and related to God or the Creator of all human beings.

I propose that the three main attributes of human nature consist of agency, communion (or community), and spirituality. This tripartite model holds true for all people in all cultures and all eras.

When I was teaching at York University, the late Prof. David Bakan was my best friend and strongest supporter in the psychology department. He often invited me to his office for some academic discussions about human suffering and human nature. To him, agency does not exist alone without involving communion. His dialectical theory of agency and communion had considerable influence on my development of PP 2.0.

Like him, I believe that, ultimately, human experiences and human wellbeing can be best understood in terms of achieving dialectical balance between agency (self) and communion (others) and spirituality (faith in God or some higher power). Spirituality may be the most important dimension that connects us with all things, both visible and invisible, both the highest heights and the lowest depths (Wong, 2023).

That is why I propose that the way to become your best self is, paradoxically, to become more selfless, more oriented towards others (Wong, 2016). Self-transcendence may sound counter-intuitive in an individualistic consumer society, but at a deeper level you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself, your community, and your spiritual union.

Fourth: Seek to serve rather than to be served

My fourth inconvenient truth provides a framework for the first three. Ultimately, if you want to have more positive impact on the group, and receive more love and support from the group, you need to learn to become a servant first and a good leader second.

A culture of servant leadership is God’s design for families and groups as taught by Jesus: “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a random for many “(Matthew 20:28 NIV). This was later popularized by Robert Greenleaf (Greenleaf, 2002).

Here are my seven Cs for effective servant leadership:

1. Compassion for others and for self
2. Caring for the needs and wellbeing of those you serve
3. Competence in what you do
4. Character in good times and bad
5. Courage to do what is right and take the necessary risks to fulfill your dream
6. Commitment to the task and to the group, and
7. Clarity in communicating with other stakeholders about your vision, purpose, and intentions.

Try to develop these seven attributes of servant leadership. You will be able to avoid a lot of unnecessary conflicts due to egotistic insecurities and pride.

In my most recent publication on servant leadership (Wong et al., 2022), I suggest that “[I]n today’s climate, servant leadership represents the highest ideal for moral and selfless leadership for the greater good; therefore, even though it is difficult to implement, society is still better served when we aim at this ideal for leadership and good work.”

The beloved television program, Mr.  Rogers’ Neighborhood, is an example of a good community led by a servant leader. It is for all people, with love, respect, and humility. I want to end this essay with this quote from Mr. Rogers. By the way, he was an ordained Christian minister (Presbyterian Historical Society, 2013) and his teachings are based on basic Christian values. But he is still able to accept and love all people, regardless of their race and religion. May we all learn from him in our struggles in serving and loving others they way they are.

My final though is that anything worth having or worth doing demands blood, sweat, and tears. I have fought a good fight; I have run my race.

As an introvert, I still remain a loner at heart. As a sensitive person, I still remain a man of sorrow, as I look deeply at all the suffering around me. But I know that I have not fought and suffered in vain in order to make this a world better place for our children and grandchildren.

References

Cele, S. (2023, June 16). Africa’s richest city is crumbling under chaos and corruption. Bloomberg. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2023-06-16/south-africa-s-crime-chaos-and-corruption-make-it-look-like-a-failed-state?utm_campaign=news&utm_medium=bd&utm_source=applenews

Chen, S., van der Meij, L., van Zyl, L. E., & Demerouti, E. (2022). The Life Crafting Scale: Development and validation of a multi-dimensional meaning-making measure. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 795686. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.795686

Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. Washington Square Press. (First published in 1946)

Greenleaf, R. K. (2002). Servant leadership: A journey into the nature of legitimate power and greatness. Paulist Press.

Hattrup, K. N. (2019, May 10). What are the L’Arche Communities founded by Jean Vanier? Aleteia. https://aleteia.org/2019/05/10/what-are-the-larche-communities-founded-by-jean-vanier/

Higgins, M. (2023, March 28). A CEO shares the 5 toxic personality types he sees ‘over and over’ again—‘I stay far away.’ CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/28/ceo-and-founder-shares-toxic-personalities-he-avoids-at-all-costs-and-signs-to-watch-for.html

Presbyterian Historical Society. (2013, February 11). Remembering Mr. Rogers. https://www.history.pcusa.org/blog/remembering-mr-rogers

Tadié, S. (2023, February 1). New report details abuses of L’Arche founder. Catholic News Agency. https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/253514/new-report-details-abuses-of-l-arche-founder/

The Banner. (2019, May 9). ‘Intrinsically worthy’: Jean Vanier’s legacy to people with disabilities. https://www.thebanner.org/news/2019/05/intrinsically-worthy-jean-vanier-s-legacy-to-people-with-disabilities/

Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Self-transcendence: A paradoxical way to become your best. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 6(1). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol6-no1/self-transcendence-a-paradoxical-way-to-become-your-best/

Wong, P. T. P. (2023). Spiritual-existential wellbeing (SEW): The faith-hope-love model of mental health and total wellbeing. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 12(1). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol12-no1/spiritual-existential-wellbeing/

Wong, P. T. P., & Mayer, C.-H. (2023). The meaning of love and its bittersweet nature. International Review of Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1080/09540261.2023.2173001

Wong, P. T. P., Page, T., & Cheung, T. (2022). A self-transcendence model of servant leadership. In S. Dhiman & G. Roberts (Eds.), The Palgrave Handbook of Servant Leadership (pp. 1-26). Palgrave Macmillan. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-69802-7_58-1

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I am able to pen this article this morning (Feb 23, 2023) because I have a hope that holds fast even in turbulent waters. I want to share this message of hope with my readers, especially INPM members, so that we can move forward in this new year with renewed commitment and reignited passion.

Hope is like a bright shining star in the darkest night. This is indeed the darkest hour in recent history. When I see in the daily news the scale of devastation and the depth of human suffering of innocent people in Ukraine, my normal human response to this tragedy is: Who can stop this madman Putin? Why can’t the UN stop him from firing missiles at their peaceful neighbor? Is there any hope to stop human beings from committing atrocities against one another?

I can raise similar questions of despair regarding a wide range of issues, such as: is there any hope of reducing substance use and opioid overdoses? Is there any hope of ending COVID-19 and other plagues? Is there any hope of teaching people how to treat each other with sincerity, kindness, and respect rather than manipulation, deception, and intimidation?

Personally and collectively, we often feel overwhelmed by insolvable problems or tormented by fear, anxiety, or frustration for not getting to where we want to go. I would have never expected that a simple procedure of extracting a molar tooth would result in me ending up in Mount Sinai Hospital’s emergency ward. As I have already mentioned in previous communications, I am grateful for going through this ordeal because this may be my last opportunity to learn the important lessons I need to learn in order complete my life mission.

During my days of hospitalization, what kept me alive was hope: hope for a successful surgery, hope for a speedy recovery, hope for completing my projects, hope for a mighty fortress against death’s enemies, hope for making the necessary changes in my professional and personal life, and hope for world peace.

What kind of hope can meet all the above needs and desires? I can’t think of anything in the psychology literature on hope that comes close to the kind of hopeless hope that is beyond human capabilities. The positive psychology literature is dominated by Snyder’s hope theory (Snyder et al., 1991).

Basically, Snyder’s theory is about two essential components of goal-directed thoughts– both the perceived ability to generate pathways to reach the desired goal, and the perceived ability to execute the behavior necessary to complete the right pathway. The emphasis is on agency and self-efficacy. Snyder’s theory is part of the cognitive revolution in the 20^th century, and a major pillar of the first wave of positive psychology.

Unfortunately, his theory is not applicable to me by any stretch of imagination. I needed help even to use the washroom or have a drink of water. There are thousands upon thousands of bed-ridden patients who need extended assistance in order to survive. To tell them hope depends on their agency would be like rubbing salt on their wounds.

I also recall one of my earlier pilot studies on hope prior to my successful aging project (Wong, 1998). I simply asked a group of elderly individuals to complete a simple survey on hope, which includes the following questions:

• What kind of good things are you expecting or hoping for at present? Tell me your most important hopes first.
• In terms of percentage, how much control do you have over whether your hope will come true?
• In terms of percentage, how confident are you that the things you hope for will come true?

Not surprisingly, the most common hopes are:

• I hope my children will visit me soon.
• I hope that my surgery next month will be successful.
• I hope that my doctors will be able to reduce my pain.
• I hope that that winter session will be over soon.

None of the hopes listed above involve agency. If one interviews people in palliative care (Wong & Yu, 2021), their hopes are more likely to be based on faith rather than on agency.

After a few days of wrestling with the mystery of hope, I’m finally able to put together a tentative “expectancy-action-belief” model of hope that is applicable to the entire spectrum of human challenges, based on my personal experience as a patient and as a researcher. Figure 1 captures the main components of my theory based on new paradigm of existential positive psychology (Wong et al., 2021).

Figure 1

Wong’s Expectancy-Action-Belief Theory of Hope

One can see from the above figure that we will need all the help we can get in order to keep our hope alive, especially when we get sick or in old age. In addition to self-efficacy, we also need faith in God and trust in other people. Such faith and trust are based on personal relationships rather than blind faith. Good relationships take time to cultivate and demand sacrificial love. I hope that some of my friends will develop a scale to measure this new comprehensive hope.

Through the ups and downs in life, having a heart full of hope is not from confidence in one’s agency or competence; rather, it is from the strongest power of love, flowing from God’s heart to all the people, and flowing from one heart to another. Love prevails over all things (Wong & Mayer, accepted) and love enables us to live together as brothers and sisters (Wong, in press).

When we love our true self, our souls will realize that we are all connected at the deepest level, and that we are all part of this infinite universe. Once we have this awakening, there is no more need for us to be number one or climb the dominance hierarchy. All we want is to make our honest and unique contributions to make the world a better place.

I still don’t have the energy to fully explain my theory right now. It will take some time for me to regain my health. Meanwhile, let hope keep us all moving forward towards our dreams. Please enjoy this song I wrote with Francine Honey (Wong & Honey, 2021).

May this little essay inspire you to work joyfully and diligently to advance the INPM’s mission of meaning, spirituality, and world peace.

P.S., If you are an INPM Member and have not voted in the 2022 Annual General Members Survey yet, please do it now. We need you.

References

Snyder, C. R., Harris, C., Anderson, J. R., Holleran, S. A., Irving, L. M., Sigmon, S. T., Yoshinobu, L., Gibb, J., Langelle, C., & Harney, P. (1991). The will and the ways: Development and validation of an individual-differences measure of hope. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(4), 570–585. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.60.4.570

Wong, P. T. P. (1998). Spirituality, meaning, and successful aging. In P. T. P. Wong & P. Fry (Eds.), The human quest for meaning: A handbook of psychological research and clinical applications (pp. 359–394). Erlbaum.

Wong, P. T. P. (in press). An existential perspective on positive psychology: Towards a general theory of global flourishing. In L. Hoffman (Ed.), APA handbook of humanistic and existentialpsychology. http://www.drpaulwong.com/relationship-with-positive-psychology/

Wong, P. T. P., & Honey, F. M. (2021). Holding onto hope [Song]. Songs by Francine.

Wong, P. T. P., & Mayer, C.-H. (accepted). The meaning of love and its bittersweet nature. International Review of Psychiatry.

Wong, P. T. P., & Yu, T. T. F. (2021). Existential suffering in palliative care: An existential positive psychology perspective. Medicina, 57(9), 924. https://doi.org/10.3390/medicina57090924

Wong, P. T. P., Mayer, C.-H., & Arslan, G. (Eds.). (2021). COVID-19 and existential positive psychology (PP 2.0): The new science of self-transcendence [Special Issue]. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/research-topics/14988/covid-19-and-existential-positive-psychology-pp20-the-new-science-of-self-transcendence

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Why are We Angry?

• Wouldn’t you be angry if what you have built with sweat and blood is snatched away from you by force and handed over to someone else?
• Wouldn’t you be furious when your trusted friend stabs you in the back and turns against you?
• Wouldn’t you be filled with righteous indignation when religious leaders abuse their subordinates spiritually and psychologically, all in God’s name?
• Wouldn’t you be filled with rage and pain if your house was destroyed and your family killed by a bombing?
• Wouldn’t you be mad if you were arrested, imprisoned, and interrogated for no other reason than your ethnic-racial background?
• Wouldn’t you be fuming if your country was occupied and your freedom and rights were taken away from you?
• Wouldn’t you be furious if you were dismissed in spite of your many years of contribution, whereas your incompetent and lazy co-worker was promoted simply because he was related to the boss?

There are enough legitimate reasons to make people burn with righteous anger all the time, e.g., abuse of power, corruption, hypocrisy, poverty, deprivation, inequality, injustice, senseless wars, violence, atrocities, terrorism, oppression, humiliation, betrayal, discrimination, and mistreatments.

Of course, people can also get angry over trivial matters, e.g., a thoughtless remark, being slighted, failing to get proper respect, misunderstanding, and petty jealousy. Sometimes even the slightest provocation can set off an outburst.We are also a nation of angry people and we are becoming an increasingly angry society. We live in a world filled with enough anger and hate to blow it to pieces. Everyone seems to be angry with someone for some reason. Many have acted out their anger. Terrorist bombings are simply the extreme expression of anger.

The above introduction to anger management was written by Wong (2003) just a few months after the movie Anger Management (Segal, 2003) was released. My introduction to anger management is as relevant today as when it was first written.

To repeat, we are a nation of angry people, and we are becoming an increasingly angry society. “Why does everyone seem so angry all of a sudden?” asks Henry Ford Health Staff (2022). They proceed to answer their own question as follows:

It’s a sign of our distress and an example of our suffering. We have all experienced social isolation, a loss of routine, increased fear and prolonged uncertainty, grief and loss—even grieving the way things used to be. Anger in the short term is normal, understandable and even adaptive. It can signal to us that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.(para. 2)

How do We Manage our Anger?

How do you cope with angry feelings? How do you respond to all the people and situations that make us mad? It is often said that you either control your anger or anger controls you.

No one wants anger to be their master and ruin their lives. Therefore, it is important that we learn how to be in control of our anger, which can be one of the most explosive and destructive emotions.

Therefore, some people are ordered to take anger management classes for their violent behaviors. There are all kinds of anger management programs, as there are different approaches. Typically, they include both preventive and reactive measures.

Preventive measures include common sense ways of healthy living such as having enough sleep, eating a good diet, and avoiding burnout or too much stress. Reaction measures include cognitive restructuring, relaxation, humor, and exercise (American Psychological Association, 2022; Mayo Clinic Staff, 2022).

However, these measures are often inadequate in dealing with long-term or traumatic situations, such as a toxic marriage, abusive parenting, rape, murder, and various kinds of violence against a person. I propose that meaning therapy (Wong, 2010, 2016) may be more helpful. In the last section of this essay, I will briefly describe the three strategies of meaning transformation of anger into peace and joy.

How to Transform Anger to Peace and Joy

There are three flexible and practical strategies based on meaning therapy:

The Initial Attributional Search

This represents the important pause between the triggering event and our reaction (Wong, 2020). During this brief pause, we ask ourselves three basic questions:

• What is happening?– We need to observe clearly so make sure that we don’t jump to conclusions based on incomplete information. This will avoid a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding and angry reactions.
• What does it mean? We need to consult our forebrain to find out the true meaning of the situation to avoid reacting based on our biases and assumptions (Wong & Weiner, 1981).
• What is the right thing to do? We also need to consult our conscience and divine guidance for the correct response for that situation.

A Deep Attributional Search

In complex or ambiguous situations, we may need a deeper and more thorough attribution search. For example, in order to find out the real reasons for some offending action, we may need to seek deeper beyond the other person’s facades, manners, attitudes, and habits by searching deeper inside. We may discover a wounded, scared, and lost soul, struggling with their loneliness and private hell. With compassion and empathy, we may feel sorry rather than angry towards that person. Further, we may find hidden situational reasons for their offensive behavior. For example, they may have behaved offensively because of pressure from their spouse.

The Deep-and-Wide Hypothesis

This hypothesis (Wong & Worth, 2017) is based on Wong ‘s stage model of coping with frustration (Wong, 1995) which describes the innate behavior mechanisms of prolonged frustration stress:

• The first stage is same as Amsel’s frustration-invigoration effect. The first natural reaction is trying harder, which may include aggression as suggested by the frustration-aggression hypothesis (Dollard et al., 1939). One needs to guard against the more primitive tendency to fight back verbally or physically. The essence is to due the same thing with greater effort and precision.
• The second stage is trying different ways of solving the problem. It really challenges one’s resourcefulness, creativity, and perseverance. This is the most important stage because successful resolution depends on how far and how wide one searches for a peaceful solution.
• The third stage is switching to a different goal. It is more adaptive at some point to give up the futile effort of seeking the same goal of finding reconciliation or successful resolution and settle for plan B instead.
• The last stage is helplessness and depression or patiently enduring a toxic relationship or situation. At this stage, one may need divine grace or supernatural power to endure the Sisyphus struggle joyfully.

In conclusion, I do hope that my meaning transformation perspective is helpful to you, whatever your predicament. I also wish my readers a happy and peaceful Christmas and New Year in spite of the turbulent time our world is in. May next year be a more peaceful year without the Russian rockets landing in Ukraine, and without all the military threats from China towards Taiwan. Let us all try to find ways to live together in peace. As Martin Luther King Jr. has warned us, “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

References

American Psychological Association. (2022, August 9). Control anger before it controls you. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Dollard, J., Miller, N. E., Doob, L. W., Mowrer, O. H., & Sears, R. R. (1939). Frustration and aggression. Yale University Press. https://doi.org/10.1037/10022-000

Henry Ford Health Staff. (2022, April 26). Why does everyone seem so angry all of a sudden? Henry Ford Health. https://www.henryford.com/blog/2022/04/pandemic-rage

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022, April 14). Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434

Segal, P. (Director). (2003). Anger management [Film]. Sony Pictures Releasing.

Wong, P. T. P. (1995). A stage model of coping with frustrative stress. In R. Wong (Ed.), Biological perspectives on motivated activities (pp. 339–378). Ablex Publishing.

Wong, P. T. P. (2003). From anger management to anger transformation. International Network on Personal Meaning. http://www.meaning.ca/archives/archive/art_anger-transformation_P_Wong.htm

Wong, P. T. P. (2010). Meaning therapy: An integrative and positive existential psychology. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 40(2), 85-99.

Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Integrative meaning therapy: From logotherapy to existential positive interventions. In P. Russo-Netzer, S. E. Schulenberg, & A. Batthyány (Eds.), Clinical perspectives on meaning: Positive and existential psychotherapy (pp. 323-342). Springer.

Wong, P. T. P. (2020). Made for resilience and happiness: Effective coping with COVID-19 according to Viktor E. Frankl and Paul T. P. Wong. INPM Press.

Wong, P. T. P., & Weiner, B. (1981). When people ask “why” questions and the heuristic of attributional search. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 40(4), 650-663.

Wong, P. T. P., & Worth, P. (2017). The deep-and-wide hypothesis in giftedness and creativity [Special issue]. Psychology and Education, 54(3/4). http://www.psychologyandeducation.net/pae/category/volume-54-no-3-4-2017/

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Employee engagement (Harter, 2021) and wellbeing (Bersin, 2022) remain the hottest topics during the post-pandemic era. The great resignation, “quiet quitting” (Harter, 2022), and the resistance to return to the office (Cutter & Bindley, 2022; Guilford & Overberg, 2022) are troublesome trends that adversely impact productivity, the economy, and wellbeing.

Common sense attributes these developments to pandemic fatigue or mental health issues due to the perfect storm of converging problems from COVID-19, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, a poor economy, and climate changes

However, I propose that it is possible for some people, all these existential crises may trigger a new awakening with gigantic positive potentials, with the following implications (Wong, Mayer, & Arslan, 2021):

• We may be moving beyond success and happiness in search for something more fulfilling and spiritual (Wong, 2021).
• The days of the carrot and stick as motivators for employee engagement may no longer be sufficient as we are now moving towards what is intrinsically motivating.

In his book Blind Spot: The Global Rise of Unhappiness and How Leaders Missed It, Jon Clifton (2022) believes that the two major motivators are good pay with benefits and the emotion of being treated well and cared for.

But the human cravings for personal gains, recognition, and attention can never be fully satisfied, because of our insatiable greediness and inherent human limitations. That is why these two positive incentives are not enough to move the needle significantly toward greater engagement and wellbeing.

In addition, money and a pleasant work environment are not enough to increase engagement over the long haul, unless workers learn to accept and cope with the fact that work stress, and bad bosses and colleagues is inevitable.

In short, we need a stronger intrinsic motivator, which must come from the depth of one’s heart and soul. It begins with the awakening to one’s sense of personal responsibility for some fundamental changes in one’s life.

It boils down to meaning or self-transcendence as the ultimate answer to employee engagement. The opening quote from Carnegie says it well: we need to find something worth sacrificing and dying for, and we need a vision large enough that can set our soul on fire.

A Reorientation Towards Work and Towards Life

Frankl (1946/1985) makes a similar point and calls for a re-orientation from self-centeredness towards self-transcendence.

This calls for a reorientation from the success orientation towards a meaning orientation and from carnal cravings to the spiritual yearning for meaning, connections, and love as illustrated by the following graph:

This re-orientation begins with enlightenment: the awakening of spiritual awareness of one’s boredom and dissatisfaction with life and the need for some fundamental change. This is what the lockdown and isolation during COVID 19 can do for us–it awakens us from the emptiness and futility of our superficial, materialistic way of existence and helps us embark on a spiritual journey to find a meaningful and satisfying way of existence.

Meaning and Spirituality at the Workplace

Crowley’s (2022a) Lead from the Heart also affirms my belief that spirituality exists in every human being and the world can become a better place if we are all awakened to our deep-seated spiritual yearning for faith, hope, and love.

When one’s soul is on fire, the energy of soul power is undefeatable because it is based on a connection with the power source or God. Faith or belief in something of value has the power to inspire people to aim higher and run further. The greatest human achievements in every domain are never motivated by the pursuit of wealth and fame, but by the capacity for self-sacrifice and enduring hardship and suffering to fulfill the highest ideals (Wong & Worth, 2017).

I propose that the soul is the source of existential and spiritual intelligence, or wisdom of the soul (McLaughlin & McMinn, 2022; Wong, 2022). It is the intelligence that guides us to best engage with life in order to live and die well, or how to successfully meet our ultimate concerns and spiritual needs for self-transcendence and oneness with a Higher power or nature.

During the post-pandemic era, more and more people are asking the same questions: Does my life matter? What is the meaning of working and striving, when the future is so uncertain, and death can come anytime? The era of COVID-19 has motivated more people to search for meaning and self-transcendence (Wong et al., 2021).

The corona generation–those who are ready to enter the workplace during the pandemic (2020 – 2022), having gone through mandatory lockdowns and the disruptions of education and normal routines–they may be more aware of the existential crisis and the fragility and briefness of life. They are desperately searching for answers to their existential questions, which requires the quest for meaning and the cultivation of existential-spiritual intelligence.

The soul cries out for meaning, spirituality, and morality. The soul is primarily the seat of our conscience, transcendental values, and our deep-seated spiritual yearning for meaning. The soul yearns to be connected with people and oneness with something much bigger and higher than we are.

The soul wants to do the right thing, but the heart wants to do what is fun or enjoyable. The soul has the courage to pursue the highest ideals of truth, goodness, and beauty, but the heart wants safety and comfort.

The soul wants to forgive and love one’s enemies, the heart wants to be with people who make us feel happy. The soul wants nurturing from reading sacred writings, prayer and meditation, or spending time alone with nature or God; the heart wants to feel warm and fuzzy happy feelings. We need to restore the soul to our workplace.

I have written extensively on how to lead from the soul and spiritual principles. Here is what I wrote in 2003 about spirituality and meaning at work (Wong, 2003):

Here are some of the attributes of spirituality within the context of work:

• Defining ourselves as having inherent values, greater than our roles, titles and possessions
• Affirming meaning and purpose in spite of absurdity and chaos
• Emphasizing authenticity, inner wisdom, creativity, and transformation
• Recognizing the immaterial, transcendental, and sacred dimensions of reality
• Having a servant’s attitude towards work and leadership
• Embodying spiritual values of integrity, honesty, love, kindness, and respect
• Emphasizing social responsibility toward the community, society, and environment
• Viewing God and spiritual principles as the ground for moral decisions

Matthew Fox (1995) also emphasizes the importance of revitalizing our joy in work by considering work as a spiritual expression of the soul.

Clifton’s (2022) book Blind Spot shows statistically that most people are totally miserable at work and concludes that we need to create better jobs. But I argue that it is more important to educate people to reimagine work as a spiritual calling.

What does Meaningful Work Look Like?

Wong and colleagues’ (2016) chapter defines meaningful work as being good at three levels: individual, organization, and society.

At the individual level, good work means that employees are empowered to make the optimal use of their strengths to fulfill their dreams, resulting in a high level of job satisfaction and productivity.

At the organizational level, both management and employees work together to contribute to a positive culture of collaboration (Schuman, 2006; Wong, 2006).

At the societal level, good organizations assume their social responsibilities to contribute to the greater good beyond the bottom line. This vision for the common good is embraced at every level of the organization. Thus, a good organization is not only a good place to work for, but also an agent of positive social change.

Meaningful work requires a shift in attitude and motivation from self-centeredness to the self-transcendence of serving a higher purpose and greater good. With the intrinsic motivation of serving a cause greater than oneself and with an appreciative attitude, even mundane or low-paying work can become meaningful.

Since a large part of adult life is work, it follows that the meaning of work and meaning of life are inextricably connected. This natural connection between meaningful work and meaning in life has not been widely recognized. My meaning hypothesis posits that when we value and pursue what really matters in life and what is intrinsically worthwhile, we will experience authentic happiness.

This meaning hypothesis extends Frankl’s (1946/1985) logotherapy to the workplace. It posits that every person is unique and has intrinsic value, but it also recognizes the dark side of human nature – greed, pride, prejudice, egotism, and the capacity for evil. Wong (2011) proposes that “a balanced model of Positive Psychology explicitly seeks to harness the positive potentials from negative emotions and situations for both individuals and society.”

Thus, the meaning-centered approach to good work is capable of balancing the bright and dark sides of human nature and cultivates the spiritual yearning for meaning, connectiveness, and ethics.

Conclusion

Tiffani Bova (2018), in her recent bestselling book Growth IQ: Get Smarter About the Choices that will Make or Break Your Business, points out that research proves that there is a direct causal relationship between employee satisfaction and company revenues (Crowley, 2022b). Yes, it pays to put people first and increase job satisfaction. But the most important and least researched area is how to help employees make full use of the power of meaning and purpose in their work and their lives.

Ultimate engagement simply means moving beyond egotistic interest, beyond the material world, towards the spiritual realm of willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for a worthy life goal. Full engagement in meaningful work can be expressed in any of the following ways:

• Developing one’s full potential to make a difference in the world.
• Doing one’s utmost as if for God rather than for people.
• Improving one’s performance daily and enjoying the intrinsic satisfaction from the progress.
• Speaking the truth in love as a way to develop genuine relationships at work.
• Helping each other succeed, thus contributing to an enjoyable collaborative culture.
• Accepting both the positive and negative aspects of work with gratitude.
• Considering the workplace as a school of hard knocks, teaching us the necessary virtues and wisdom of how to survive and thrive.
• Learning to turn every Hell into Heaven through faith and meaning transformation.

In sum, when one is motivated by serving something greater than oneself with all one’s heart, mind and soul, one may achieve the ultimate engagement and job satisfaction.

References

Bersin, J. (2022, August 29). Mental health has become a business imperative. MIT Sloan Management Review. https://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/mental-health-has-become-a-business-imperative/

Bova, T. (2018). Growth IQ: Get smarter about the choices that will make or break your business. Portfolio.

Clifton, J. (2022). Blind spot: The global rise of unhappiness and how leaders missed it. Gallup Press.

Crowley M. C. (2022a). Lead from the heart: Transformational leadership for the 21^st century. Hay House Business.

Crowley, M. C. (2022b, September 1). Tiffani Bova: Salesforce’s growth guru explains why employees must come first. Mark C. Crowley. https://markccrowley.com/tiffani-bova-salesforces-growth-guru-explains-why-employees-must-come-first/

Cutter, C., & Bindley, K. (2022, September 3). Enough, bosses say: This fall, it really is time to get back to the office. The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/articles/back-to-the-office-hybrid-work-remote-labor-day-11662151436

Fox, M. (1995). The reinvention of work: A new vision of livelihood for our time. Harper San Francisco.

Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. Washington Square Press. (First published in 1946)

Guilford, G., & Overberg, P. (2022, September 15). New data show broad shift to remote work during pandemic. The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/articles/new-data-show-broad-shift-to-remote-work-during-pandemic-11663214461

Harter, J. (2021, July 29). U.S. employee engagement data hold steady in first half of 2021. Gallup. https://www.gallup.com/workplace/352949/employee-engagement-holds-steady-first-half-2021.aspx

Harter, J. (2022, September 6). Is quiet quitting real? Gallup. https://www.gallup.com/workplace/398306/quiet-quitting-real.aspx

McLaughlin, P. T., & McMinn, M. R. (2022). A time for wisdom: Knowledge, detachment, tranquility, transcendence. Templeton Press.

Schuman, S. (Ed.) (2006). Creating a culture of collaboration: The international association of facilitators handbook. John Wiley & Sons.

Wong, P. T. P. (2003). Spirituality and meaning at work. Positive Living Newsletter. https://www.meaning.ca/article/spirituality-and-meaning-at-work/

Wong, P. T. P. (2006). Is your organization an obstacle course or a relay team? A meaning-centered approach to creating a collaborative culture. In S. Schuman (Ed.), Creating a culture of collaboration: The international association of facilitators handbook (pp. 229–256). Jossey-Bass/Wiley.

Wong, P. T. P. (2011). Positive psychology 2.0: Towards a balanced interactive model of the good life. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne, 52(2), 69–81. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022511

Wong, P. T. P. (2021, August 6-8). Beyond happiness and success: The new science of self-transcendence [Conference session]. International Network on Personal Meaning 11th Biennial International Meaning Conference, Toronto, ON, Canada.

Wong, P. T. P. (2022). The wisdom of the soul: The missing key to happiness and positive mental health? [Review of the book A Time for Wisdom: Knowledge, Detachment, Tranquility, Transcendence, by P. T. McLaughlin & M. R. McMinn]. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 11(1). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol11-no2/the-wisdom-of-the-soul-the-missing-key-to-happiness-and-positive-mental-health/

Wong, P. T. P., & Worth, P. (2017). The deep-and-wide hypothesis in giftedness and creativity [Special issue]. Psychology and Education, 54(3/4). http://www.psychologyandeducation.net/pae/category/volume-54-no-3-4-2017/

Wong, P. T. P., Ivtzan, I., & Lomas, T. (2016). Good work: A meaning-centred approach. In L. G. Oades, M. F. Steger, A. Delle Fave, & J. Passmore (Eds.), The Wiley Blackwell handbook of the psychology of positivity and strengths-based approaches at work (pp. 233–247). Wiley Blackwell. (Partially supported by the research grant on Virtue, Happiness, and the Meaning of Life from the John Templeton Foundation)

Wong, P. T. P., Mayer, C.-H., & Arslan, G. (Eds.). (2021). COVID-19 and existential positive psychology (PP 2.0): The new science of self-transcendence [Special Issue]. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/research-topics/14988/covid-19-and-existential-positive-psychology-pp20-the-new-science-of-self-transcendence

The post Ultimate Employee Engagement and Wellbeing appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

This paper invites you to consider a more adaptive view towards happiness and suffering which may change your life. It suggests that the old paradigm of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain is no longer adequate in the current digital age, and a new paradigm of embracing and transforming suffering is needed in order to achieve mature happiness, even in trying times. More specifically, I propose that a comprehensive understanding of happiness and suffering needs to encompass  the following four ideas: (1) it is more adaptive to accept suffering as an inevitable part of life, (2) one needs to go through hell in order to reach heaven, (3) existential intelligence, also known as life intelligence (LQ),  is needed for living a good life in turbulent times, and (4) a reorientation of value and life attitude begins with the “Aha!” moment of Sisyphus.

How can I be Free from my Struggles and Live a Happy Life?

Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.

– Eugene O’Neill, Thirst, 2007

Everyone wants to be happy, but so few are truly happy people. Why is it so difficult to find happiness? Perhaps the following questions help you understand the scope of the issues you have to deal with:

• Do you know anyone who is not struggling with some concerns, such as health, money, or relationships?
• How often do you experience the inner moral struggle of doing the right thing?
• How often are you tormented by shame and guilt for violating your own conscience?
• Do you have any secret sorrows or hidden wounds?
• Do you know what you really want in order to be happy?
• Are you troubled by your inner critic and self-doubts?
• Do you know how to be free from your negative thoughts and emotions?
• Have you found out the best way to live your life?
• Do you remember the times when you were truly carefree and happy?
• Are you tired of having to deal with selfish and fake people?
• Do you have a soulmate who truly understands you and cares for you the way you are?
• Do you know of any workplace which is free from toxic people?
• Is it possible to be free from all the people or things that bother us?
• Where can we find a sanctuary where we feel safe and fully accepted?
• Is it possible to have a sense of control when facing the existential threats of the pandemic, climate change, and the prospect of nuclear war?

The above litany of woes indicate that we may be broken people living in a broken world and we have to contend with all kinds of internal and external problems which we have little control over. No wonder it is so difficult to find the liberation we need to live a happy life. The Korean drama, My Liberation Notes, portrays several ordinary people who are struggling with their personal problems. At the end, they are able to find some promise of liberation and happiness, but not in the way they had expected (Conran, 2022).

In this brief paper, I will present my answer to this persistent question about happiness based on my decades of research. There are four parts to my answer:

1. Life is full of suffering; you just have to accept it.
2. You need to go through hell before you can reach heaven.
3. Cognitive intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ) are not enough; you also need life intelligence (LQ)
4. Enlightenment and the “Aha!” moment of Sisyphus

It may be rewarding for you to find out why these conclusions are supported by both research and real-life examples.

Life is Full of Suffering

It does not matter whether we look at our own lives, at other people’s lives, or at the world stage: we cannot get away from the reality of suffering. This is not just my personal negative bias because I was a war baby growing up under Japanese occupation. We all have a negativity bias because it was selected by evolution for our survival (Baumeister et al., 2001; Carmody, 2020; Hanson, 2013). I have written a series of papers documenting the universality of suffering (Wong, under review; Wong, Mayer et al., 2021; Wong et al., in press).

Recent statistics tell us the same story about recent increases in stress and mental illness during the pandemic (Abrams, 2022; Angus Reid Institute, 2022; CAMH, 2022; Crist, 2022). No one likes suffering, yet it is an inescapable fact. Paradoxically, with all our progress, it is more difficult to avoid or escape from our problems than our stone-age ancestors, because most of the monsters are no longer visible and identifiable entities; they are our shadows. inner demons or traumatic memories (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, 2022; Manson, 2022; Mateo, 2022). In short, we cannot escape from ourselves.

The paradigm of fight-or-flight is no longer effective when we try to escape from ourselves or fight against the powerful systems or bureaucracies that are inherently biased against minorities and insensitive to individual needs. Furthermore, both aggression (against others or against oneself) and escape through addiction can create more suffering.

Hanson (2014) has demonstrated that the new paradigm of embracing and transforming suffering can turn it into enduring happiness. Other researchers have arrived at a similar conclusion: that we need to accept or transcend our limitations and sufferings (Fowers et al., 2017; Popova, 2011; Wong, Arslan et al., 2021).

Thus, the first lesson is to change our attitude towards suffering. No matter how painful or difficult, it is no longer helpful to regard suffering as a hated enemy to be attacked or avoided. A more adaptive way is to regard suffering as a tough teacher we need or as an evil twin we need to get along with.

The recent book Why be Happy? The Japanese Way of Acceptance (Haas, 2020) illustrates how the Japanese find more calmness and life satisfaction by accepting that life is full of suffering. Growing up in China, I was taught at school and at home that enduing suffering is the key to survival and success. I wish that more children in the West would learn the same lesson.

There is No Happiness Without Suffering

I can see you shaking your head or say something unprintable.

But wait a minute, let me explain.

Why is it that so many people want happiness but cannot find it? The simple reason is that they do not know that they must go through deep valleys and overcome obstacles in order to reach the mountaintop. Another metaphor to express the same truth is that you cannot reach heaven without going through hell, as suggested by Carl Jung and explained by the following figure.

“Without suffering, there’s no happiness,” claims the renowned Buddhist master Thích Nhất Hạnh in No Mud, No Lotus (2014). In his book, he shows us that the only way to find true happiness is learning how to embrace and transform pain and suffering through mindful breathing and meditation.

In addition to Buddhist psychology, there are other spiritual paths to demonstrate that without suffering there is no enduring or mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018). There are several proven ways to find mature happiness or deep joy. For example, Sorokin’s (1950/2010) study of altruistic love is based on the Christian teaching of agape. Viktor Frankl’s (1985) Man’s Search for Meaning, and Wong’s (2016, 2020) extension of Frankl are predicated on the assumption that we spontaneously make sense of what happens to us (Wong & Weiner, 1981) and suffering is more bearable when we can attribute some positive meaning to it. Maslow’s (1971) sense of transcendence and Kaufman’s (2020) revised view incorporates the need to integrate both positive and negative experiences. The greatest discovery of psychology in modern times is that human beings have the innate capability to turn suffering into strength and growth.

All the above pathways to mature happiness begin with accepting adversity or suffering as a foundation, but they don’t stop there. The second element of commonality is that they all involve a fundamental reorientation away from egotistic concerns towards other people and the highest ideals.

Yes, we need the kind of happiness that is stronger than suffering and stronger than death – it is strong enough not only to provide us a sanctuary from fears and despair, but also a source of positive energy for creativity, altruism, and compassion. The next section discusses the kind of wisdom we need in order to turn suffering into blessings.

The Important Intelligence We Need to Live Well

What is the most important intelligence we need in order to live well and die well? We need academic intelligence in order to do well in school and get into a prestigious profession. We need emotional intelligence in order to be successful in our career and relationships. Wong (in press) argues that the life intelligence is most needed in troubled times and presents seven principles of wisdom of the soul.

Howard Gardner (1999) recognized existential intelligence as the ninth type of intelligence, but it attracted little attention until recently. Gardner (2020) wonders why we have a resurgence of interest in existence intelligence and considers the pandemic as the direct cause. With mandated lockdown, we had time to reflect on the big questions of life and death and have a sense of agency to make sense of this brief and fragile life threatened by coronavirus and its variants. Jajal (2020) further expands Gardner’s view:

“Gardner defines existential intelligence as ‘a concern with ultimate life issues.’ A candidate for this intelligence is based on the human proclivity to ponder the most fundamental questions of existence. Why do we live? Why do we die? Where do we come from? What is going to happen to us?”

George Vaillant (1993) documents how the mature wisdom of the ego can help people find the wisdom and strength they need to transform all their troubles and obstacles into creativity, strengths, and enduring happiness. Finally, McLaughlin and McMinn (2022) point out that wisdom consists of enlightened knowledge, mindful detachment, inner tranquility, and self-transcendence. In times like this, we need this kind of spiritual wisdom in order to find enduring happiness and live a good life.

The “Aha!” Moment of Sisyphus

Finally, the turning point of re-orientation occurs when we have a moment of awareness or awakening. If awakening was as easy as an epiphany, then more people should become enlightened. The truth is that such transformational moments rarely happen when everything is going well in life. They are more like the discovery of a distant a star after a person is near exhaustion and despair after a long and futile search in the dark. They are also more like Sisyphus moments of awareness and awakening. This is what I wrote about Sisyphus (Wong, 2005):

“Camus’ Sisyphus (1955) was condemned by the gods to roll a stone to the top of a mountain with enormous effort only to see it roll back to the bottom, thus symbolizing the absurdity of life. But at the end of the story, Camus wrote that Sisyphus must be happy, because he dared to defy the gods and performed the difficult task willingly and creatively. Thus, Sisyphus was able to transform the hopeless ordeal by virtue of his defiant attitude and meaning making.”

Thus, the answer to our initial question – “How can we be free from our struggles and enjoy a happiness life?” – is a moment of awakening that we have been asking the wrong questions.

The first mistake is that life itself is a constant struggle as illustrated by Erickson’s (1963, 1982) stages of development. It is through the struggle and achieving the developmental task in each state that we can grow and bear fruit.

The second mistake is to conceptualize happiness as being free from sadness or stress. On the contrary, true happiness can only be found in learning how to surmount our suffering or failure and transform it to mature happiness based on the spiritual wisdom of faith, hope, and love.

In our opening quote, Eugene O’Neill (2007) refers to God’s grace for his healing and recovery from his addiction. George Vaillant (1993) explains that:

However, love is not enough. Cure seems impossible without hope and faith. Early in Long Day’s Journey, Mary Tyrone tells us she has lost her faith in a higher power and cries out, ‘If I could only find the faith I lost, so I could pray again!’ (p. 343)

I hope that after reflecting on the ideas in this paper, you may have a Sisyphus moment so that the struggle itself is enough to fill your heart with joy.

References

Abrams, Z. (2022, June 1). High stress levels during the pandemic are making even everyday choices difficult to navigate. APA Monitor, 53(4), 28. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/06/news-pandemic-stress-decision-making

Angus Reid Institute. (2022, January 24). Pandemic fatigue: One-in-three Canadians report struggles with mental health; 23% say they’re ‘depressed’. https://angusreid.org/pandemic-mental-health-addictions/

Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323

CAMH. (2022). Mental illness and addiction: Facts and statistics. https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real/mental-health-statistics

Carmody, J. (2020, January 10). Why we are hard-wired to worry, and what we can do to calm down. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/why-we-are-hard-wired-to-worry-and-what-we-can-do-to-calm-down-127674;

Conran, P. (2022, May 31). Netflix K-drama review: My Liberation Notes is a rich and rewarding journey like few others. South China Morning Post. https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/k-pop/k-drama/article/3179844/netflix-k-drama-review-my-liberation-notes-rich-and

Crist, C. (2022, March 10). Most Americans report overwhelming stress levels: Poll. Web MD. https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/news/20220310/americans-report-overwhelming-stress-poll

Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society (2nd ed.). Norton.

Erikson, E. H. (1982). The life cycle completed. Norton & Company.

Fowers, B. J., Richardson, F. C., & Slife, B. D. (2017). Frailty, suffering, and vice: Flourishing in the face of human limitations. American Psychological Association.

Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. Washington Square Press. (First published in 1946)

Gardner, H. (1999). Intelligence reframed multiple intelligences for the 21st century. Basic Books.

Gardner, H. (2020). A resurgence of interest in existential intelligence: Why now? HowardGardner.com. https://www.howardgardner.com/howards-blog/a-resurgence-of-interest-in-existential-intelligence-why-now

Haas, S. (2020). Why be happy? The Japanese way of acceptance. Hachette Go.

Hanh, T. N. (2014). No mud, no lotus: The art of transforming suffering. Parallax Press.

Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Harmony Books.

Hanson, R. (2014). Buddha’s brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love & wisdom [Speech audio recording]. Brilliance Audio.

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies. (2022). Recovered memories of childhood trauma. https://istss.org/public-resources/trauma-basics/what-is-childhood-trauma/remembering-childhood-trauma

Jajal, T. D. (2020, November 9). The importance of existential intelligence in organizations. Medium.com https://medium.com/awecademy/the-importance-of-existential-intelligence-in-organizations-a613ba5a92bc

Kaufman, S. B. (2020). Transcend: The new science of self-actualization. Tarcher Perigee.

Manson, M. (2022). How to overcome your demons. Mark Manson.net https://markmanson.net/how-to-overcome-your-demons/

Maslow, A. (1971). Farther reaches of human nature. McGraw-Hill.

Mateo. (2022, April 29). Shadow self: How to embrace your inner darkness (3 techniques). Loner Wolf. https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self/

McLaughlin, P. T., & McMinn, M. R. (2022). A time for wisdom: Knowledge, detachment, tranquility, transcendence. Templeton Press.

O’Neill, E. (2007). Thirst: And other one act plays. HardPress Publishing.

Popova, M. (2011, September 12). Transcending fear in the creative process: 5 timeless insights. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/09/transcending-fear-in-the-creative-process-5-timeless-insights/244922/

Sorokin, P. A. (2010). Altruistic love: A study of American good neighbors and Christian saints. Kessinger Publishing. (Originally published in 1950)

Vaillant, G. E. (1993). The wisdom of the ego. Harvard University Press.

Wong, P. T. P. (2005). The power of determination and commitment. Positive Living Newsletter. http://www.meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_mar_2005_determination-and-commitment.htm

Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Self-transcendence: A paradoxical way to become your best. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 6(1), 9. http://journal.existentialpsychology.org/index.php/ExPsy/article/view/178

Wong, P. T. P. (2020). Made for resilience and happiness: Effective coping with COVID-19 according to Viktor E. Frankl and Paul T. P. Wong. INPM Press.

Wong, P. T. P. (in press). The best possible life in a troubled world: The seven principles of self-transcendence. Positive Psychology in Counseling and Education. http://www.drpaulwong.com/the-best-possible-life-in-a-troubled-world/

Wong, P. T. P. (under review). Towards a general theory of mental health and wellbeing [Review of the book The Evolution of Life Worth Living, by C. A. Soper]. International Journal of Wellbeing.

Wong, P. T. P., & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society. IGI Global.

Wong, P. T. P., & Weiner, B. (1981). When people ask “Why” questions and the heuristic of attributional search. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 40(4), 650-663.

Wong, P. T. P., Arslan, G., Bowers, V. L., Peacock, E. J., Kjell, O. N. E., Ivtzan, I., Lomas, T. (2021). Self-transcendence as a buffer against COVID-19 suffering: The development and validation of the Self-Transcendence Measure-B. Frontiers, 12, 4229. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.648549

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., Mayer, C.-H., & Bowers, V. L. (in press). Shifting the paradigm of positive psychology: Toward an existential positive psychology of wellbeing.

Wong, P. T. P., Mayer, C.-H., & Arslan, G. (Eds.). (2021). COVID-19 and existential positive psychology (PP 2.0): The new science of self-transcendence [Special Issue]. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/research-topics/14988/covid-19-and-existential-positivepsychology-pp20-the-new-science-of-self-transcendence

The post How can I be Free from my Struggles and Live a Happy Life? appeared first on International Network on Personal Meaning.

Are we still a civilized people governed by the rule of law? Have we regressed to barbaric savages in a jungle? Why can’t all the progress in psychology, education, and political science prevent ruthless dictators from murdering innocent people?

More specifically, how can positive psychology help when ordinary people go about their daily business of going to school, enjoying family time, or doing the things they enjoy, but in a split second, find that their happiness and dreams gone up in smoke and reduced to ashes?

As a War Baby, I Know How it Feels to Live Under Attack and Occupation by an Enemy

I feel their pain deeply because I was born in the year when Japan launched a full-scale invasion of China and committed the Nanking massacre, which made Japan the enemy of the international community (Dedes, 2020).

For a period of six weeks the soldiers of the Imperial Japanese Army had a killing orgy, murdering over 300,000 people, with widespread rape and looting. Millions of refugees escaped to safer areas before the army seized control of Nanking. My wife’s family were among the displaced.

Living in Tianjin did not spare me from the horrors of war. Just imagine that you are a little boy (about five years old) and you witness a group of Japanese solders bursting into your house, threatening your family with bayonets, and ordering your family to vacate your residence to the Japanese. Worse still, you aren’t even allowed to take your belongings, not even your favourite toys.

Naturally you would feel shocked and angry. Deep down in your child’s heart, you already know that what they did is wrong and unfair, but no one has the power to stop them.

The same night, all my family had to move out, and I was sent to a relative’s house alone to spend the night in their basement on a wooden board infested with lice. Added to my trauma of being ejected from my own house by force, I felt abandoned and thrown into a dark pit to rot.

This horrible experience might be the seed of my lifelong interest in existentialism and resistance to the naïve idea that the world is safe and sweet. It may also be the reason why I felt the calling to learn more about human nature and how to end suffering.

Based on my own experience and all my knowledge about human nature, I have come to the conclusion that the enterprise of pursing happiness only for oneself is doomed to fail, because we are more interconnected as a human family, and many are suffering. Even when I try to enjoy my food and simple pleasure, the sight and sound of human suffering in Ukraine still fills my heart with grief.

The Horrors of the Vietnam War and the “Boat People”

Human history is a bloody one. Not too long ago, we witnessed the humanitarian crisis in Afghanistan. Further back, we had the Vietnam war, Korean war, and World War II.

One only needs to watch the film Apocalypse Now Redux (Coppola, 2001) to have a sense of the madness and atrocities of the Vietnam war. It tells a powerful story showing how ordinary people are capable of doing very horrible things to other humans. During that war, so many innocent people were killed or wounded, not including the soldiers on both sides of the conflict.

Perhaps, the following photo of the naked “napalm girl” visually tells the pointless brutality of the Vietnam war. Kim Phucin was only 9 years old in 1972 when she was photographed, screaming and running in pain after a U.S. commander ordered South Vietnamese planes to drop napalm bombs near her village.

Burns covered about half of her body, but miraculously she was able to find refuge and healing. Eventually, she grew up to be a beautiful woman with forgiveness and joy in her heart. She has devoted her life to be a motivation speaker in Canada (Stockton, 2017).

Her story restores some faith in humanity and gives us hope that most of the refugees have the resilience to survive and thrive regardless of the trauma they have gone through. I can bear witness that she is just one of the many success stories of refugees from Vietnam.

In the early 80s, while I was still a professor at Trent University in Peterborough, I was personally involved in helping hundreds of “boat people” to resettle. Some of them even came to our home each week for fellowship and Bible study; they were able to share their stories with us while their children played with our children.

Some were raped by the pirates. Some witnessed their family members killed by North Vietnamese solders. Most of them had endured terrible ordeals in their escape from Vietnam, as shown in the following photo (Do & Tran, 2021).

One may wonder what has happened to these “boat people”? I am pleased to say that with their work ethics and willingness to do anything to rebuild a new life in Canada, most of the people that came through my house (as seen in the next photo) have done very well. This picture shows a gathering of refugees, sponsors, local families, and foreign students in my home for some special celebration.

I can provide a long list of accomplishments of these “boat people”, but this may embarrass some Canadians who have not gone through the ordeal by fire and water. Here, I just want to mention the Minh van family. Minh van’s sponsor wanted him to work in his furniture store, but Minh told me that he really wanted to start his own business.

After some negotiation with his sponsor, Minh was allowed to start a small booth in Peterborough’s farmers market, selling home made Vietnamese spring rolls. On some Saturdays, I was able to see how he and his wife operated their business with their broken English but with inviting smiles.

From such a humble beginning, with hard work and resourcefulness, they were able to grow a successful business. Minh’s whole family are in this picture. Years later, their daughter became a pharmacist, and all their sons also became professionals – chartered accountant, optometrist, and physiotherapist. Most amazingly, the tiny booth in farmers market has become a well-established Chinese grocery store as show in the photo of Minh’s Chinese Grocery.

Their success did not come by chance. A great deal of hard work, sacrifice, and discipline have gone into it. They did not complain or protest but put their hands to the plow and turn a desert into a productive farm. Their success provides support of my brand of existential positive psychology – flourishing comes from overcoming suffering.

The Best Possible Life of Flourishing Through Suffering

There is already a great deal of research supporting my suffering hypothesis (Wong, 2021a). More recent research evidence shows that our psychological immune system is stronger than we thought (Aknin et al., 2021; Bonanno, 2021). We can even become better and stronger through suffering according to the new science of existential positive psychology (EPP or PP2.0; Wong, Mayer, & Arslan, 2021), and happiness is possible even in palliative care and for chronical pain patients (Wong, 2022; Wong & Yu, 2021).

In fact, it is an impossibility to have a life full of happiness without suffering as illustrated by the story of the historic Buddha (Lopez, 2020). Recent research has supported this hypothesis, such as research on tragic optimism (Leung et al., 2021) and self-transcendence (Wong, Mayer & Arslan, 2021).

The following principles represent the 7 principles of flourishing through suffering:

1. Accept life as it is with gratitude.
2. Believe in creating a better future with help from Providence.
3. Commit to worthy goals and a life purpose.
4. Discover the hidden treasures by digging deeper.
5. Enjoy and value life.
6. Fear (God) and obey boundaries.
7. Love others as yourself.

A great deal has been written about the above principles. For example, acceptance is the key not only to a meaningful life (Wong, 1998), but also to resilience (Wong 2013; Wong et al., 2006).

The first five principles are the pathways to resilience (Wong, 2016a). The last two principles represent the two greatest commandments taught by Jesus (Matthew 22:36-40); they are the universal principles of spiritual happiness of love, joy, and peace (Galatians 5:22-26). I plan to write a book about these principles of positive mental health.

Conclusion

Suffering is unavoidable and inescapable. The only way to survival and flourishing is learning how to overcome suffering. According to the first Noble truth, life is suffering.

In addition to our inner demons, there are also systemic problems and evil people who can make our lives miserable. History has shown that neither the psychology of happiness nor scientific progress can automatically eliminate suffering. However, there are ways one can overcome and transform suffering, but it requires sacrifice, discipline, and collaborative efforts.

Practicing all the above seven principles daily will transform you into a self-transcendent person. The psychology of the last century may be described as self psychology, with its research agenda focusing on such themes as internal locus of control, self efficacy, self esteem, self-actualization etc. I propose that the new paradigm of psychology for the 21st century is self-transcendence. This is partly dictated by the changes in society and partly by the new trends in research.

The concept of self-transcendence is not new. Frankl’s (1946/1985) concept of the search for meaning revolves around self-transcendence, Maslow’s (1971) revised need hierarchy placed transcendence as the crowing glory of human development. Recently, Kaufman (2020) has extended Maslow’s work and I have extended Frankl’s work (Wong 2016b, 2021b; Wong et al., 2021).

Until there is a re-orientation from ego to others, from self-enhancement to self-transcendence, we will not be able to end suffering and transform it to flourishing. We will also not be able to experience selfless happiness. However, self-transcendence can become our second nature, when we are practicing the activities listed in the previous three sections.

May we catch the vision of self-transcendence. Let our hearts be moved by compassion for the suffering masses. Let our souls be set aflame by the passion to save people from the bondage of suffering into the spiritual happiness of love, joy, and peace. We trust that not only refugees, but all people can become contributing citizens and live productive, fulfilling lives, if they are willing to pay the price of living a responsible and meaningful life.

References

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